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Wednesday, September 09, 2015

Offensive Halloween Costumes

It's not even October and Halloween shit is being dragged from the storerooms and put on the sales floor.

Time to get offended, America.

If you see someone dressed up like this...
Splash them with your tears.  Maybe it will ruin their costume.  Fake buckskin and tears don't mix.

Also, don't dress up as a Geisha girl.
You think you're sending the message of "I want to look pretty at the Halloween party" but you're really just reinforcing patriarchal stereotypes.

Also, the hobo costume may seem to be a good decision if you're running late, haven't thought things through, and really need to get to the party.  Put on some old, ratty clothes, sprinkle coffee grounds on your face, and bam...you're a hobo.
But if you wanted to avoid indulging in offensive stereotypes about the homeless, you should actually dress like this:
Actual homeless person
Also, don't go "fat" and don't go "skinny."  It's bad enough that there are people with eating disorders, but do we need to also give them "hurt feelings" disorders, too?


And lastly, whatever you do...do not dress up as a stripper nurse.
Actual Bad Person
There's no better way to say you're a bad person than successfully pulling off this look.  Don't be this person.

In fact, don't even dress up.  It's the only way to be sure you're not offending anyone.

Tuesday, September 08, 2015

Don't Conceal Handguns in Your Vagina

Or the news will make it sound funny:
While Castaneda was being transported to jail, she told an officer she had concealed a handgun in her vagina. Officers immediately stopped and a female officer searched the suspect, finding a loaded Smith and Wesson .22-caliber pistol with a round chambered in her vagina.
Cracked me up because it's such a weird way of putting it.  I'm pretty sure this woman didn't tell the officer she "had concealed a handgun in her vagina."

She probably said something like, "Hey, man, I should tell you something.  I got a gun on me."

The officer probably scoffed at her in the rearview mirror.  "No, you don't.  We searched you."

"No, seriously.  I got a gun on me.  You know, down there."