So I'm back on the night shift and unfortunately I will be stuck with it through the winter. Consequently, I've been worrying about my mental health. I've been depressed for what seems like years now, but my last stint on nights had me contemplating suicide.
At first, it was kind of funny. "Kill yourself? Don't be ridiculous. Just get a new job. Rebuild your life. It'll be alright." And for a while, I actually believed it.
Now I realize my problems are deeper than just my employment situation. Truth is, the job is the most reliable thing in my life. Friends, family....they are not involved in my life, and from what I can tell, don't even want to be. The job, on the other hand, is there for me at least four days a week. So if I think about it, really put it into perspective, the job's not a source of misery or instability. Indeed, it's the only thing keeping me upright.
Which is so depressing, I'm actually considering therapy.