Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Band of Holes

So I was looking at stuff making fun of this guy:
And I came across something about the Band of Holes down in the Pisco Valley in Peru. It's a line of holes that someone dug sometime in our past that go up a mountain for nearly a mile. They don't look like much from the ground, a bunch of holes, but from the air they form a neat, almost geometric, line.

Of course, it's weird and unexplained and old and no one knows why they're there or what they were for, so...the aliens did it.

I just got done looking at them on Google Earth (here are the coordinates: -13.7153806°, -075.8745722°) and it really is an interesting enigma. The holes follow the contours of the land and high up on the mountain, a little to the east, you can see evidence of terraces or some kind of structures. I look at this and think, wow, a pretty big group of people used to live there. The curiosity is almost insatiable. Who were they? What did they believe? How did they live their lives? Where did they go? Who did they become?

A Google search is no help, though. It's all ancient alien bullshit, new age energy nonsense.

There's even a Youtube video of an American guy who went down there and is standing in one of the holes, speculating about their alien origins. It's like, dude, you're standing right there. Take a damn sample. Get yourself a little tool, scrape a little into a vial, take it to the lab. I'm not even a trained scientist and I know how helpful that kind of thing would be. Are there any foreign soils? Any traces of metal or non-local rock? Plant matter? Jesus, man, look for answers.

I know science isn't glamorous. They learned a lot about the Anasazi by counting tree rings and digging through packrat shit. (True story: Packrats live in middens of their own shit, which eventually fossilize. Studying the contents, you can form a picture of the packrat's environment way back when. Want to know what plants were growing in a certain area five hundred years ago? Find a five hundred year old midden. It'll tell ya.) Get on your hands and knees and dig.

Or listen to the guy with the goofy hair and the bad tan who can't pronounce his words correctly.

A Double Negative

Michael Bay is an idiot. Those who have seen his films have suspected as much, but here he is opening his mouth and removing all doubt. He's involved in a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, only he's going to give them an alien origin this time.

People freaked out. Which is ridiculous, of course, but then Michael Bay says:
"Fans need to take a breath, and chill," Bay wrote on his website. "They have not read the script. Our team is working closely with one of the original creators of 'Ninja Turtles' to help expand and give a more complex back story. Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world."
These are not reassuring words coming from someone like Bay.

The thing is, I think TMNT fans would trust someone like, say, Guillermo Del Toro to provide a more complex backstory and build a richer world. They'd be okay with Pixar doing it. Spielberg, Zak Snyder, hell, even Wes Anderson. But Michael Bay?

Michael Bay cannot be trusted with a more complex backstory or a richer world. He's filming Transformers on the Great Pyramid, literally on the Great Pyramid, and he stops to make a joke about a robot's nut sack. A robot's nut sack. And that crap about the co-ed Transformer that turns into Syl from Species? Dumbass...if Transformers could imitate humans, why be a truck?

Michael Bay has proved he can make a lot of money making films. But he has yet to prove he can make a good film. Telling fans to chill won't do nothing to change that. Sorry, Michael.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Will the Real Mitt Romney Please Stand Up?

I saw this video linked a lot of places on the internet. I didn't expect much, but it's better than I expected. They made Mitt Romney rhyme...and funny.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Regime Change

It looks like the Broncos are going all in on an aging, possibly brittle quarterback in favor of the electrifying (and evangelifying) young buck. A good idea? Time will tell.

I don't think the fans are on board. My brother told me if the Broncos sign Manning and trade Tebow, he's becoming a Chiefs fan. Me, I'm just going to hope for the best.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Dr. Steve Brule

John C. Reilly has got the funnies.


1) So my brother calls me last week, says "Hey, you want to go to the Nuggets game on Saturday?" I think my exact words were, "Fuck yeah!" And it's against the Celtics? My team versus a team of legends? YES!

I think it was a day later that Nene got traded...

Sad to see him go, but after watching the game on Saturday, I think we'll be alright. Kenneth Faried is one hell of a player and Gallinari stepped up. Final score? 98-91. Nuggets.

2) There's a lot of Celtics fans in this town...and they should all be ashamed of themselves.

3) The food at the Pepsi Center is disgusting! $4 for some mashed up, over-cooked fries. $4.75 for some stale corn chips and fake cheese sauce (and no jalopenos!) that they call nachos. $5 for a small Pepsi. My niece got a hot dog that was seriously the saddest looking hot dog I've ever seen. The popcorn? Too salty to even throw at people.

This on top of the $180 they wanted for the ticket? Pro sports is definitely one of those industries engaging in rip-offism as opposed to its more legitimate cousin, capitalism.

4) A new Prometheus trailer is out, a new Prometheus trailer is out. I'll see anything the Scott brothers (Ridley or Tony) make, but the last few years I've found their films less interesting than usual. Prometheus is having the opposite effect. This one I'm actually looking forward to.

It's not an Alien prequel per se, and it does hint at that "Ancient Aliens" nonsense, but it looks pretty damn good too. The best use of the "Ancient Aliens" hypothesis, I think, is as a sci-fi high concept. As a possible scientific question to certain unanswered questions? Yeah, it's hogwash.

Someday, they'll make a trailer without that Inception-like BWOM...

I mean, I thought it was awesome --still think it's awesome-- but it is getting a little ridiculous, no?