Friday, April 08, 2011


I have this theory. The Republican leadership aren't very bright. Now I'm speaking comparatively, of course. Compared to some of the people I talk to on the phone all day, they're geniuses. But compared to the skillful politicians of history, not just of our country but in the history of skillful politicians, these guys are really the pits.

They have ideas, or I should say one idea, and it boils down to this: Let's do what we did before. If it was successful, successful it will be again. If it wasn't, now is our chance to turn it around.

So now we have shutdown and when Obama gets re-elected...impeachment. Watch.


I think I can honestly say that over the past three or four days, I've listened to M.I.A's Maya record 30 times. Okay, maybe less, but still a lot.

I'm not sure I could tell you what song I like best. Most of them are pretty good, but I like this one. It sounds so...evil. I give you "Teqkilla."

Speaking of evil, if you've never seen her controversial video for "Born Free," now's your chance. I don't want to ruin it for you, but they're rounding up all the red heads and killing them. Boh!

Y'All Get Back Now

I saw this on Andrew Sullivan's blog a few days ago and I didn't get it. It's nothing but beats and shout-outs. No real hook. No verse. No bridge. Just beats, and shout outs. (And lots of dancing.)

It's an example of a style of music called sissy bounce, which I had never heard of until that day, and while it's not my thing and I don't "get it," it's been playing in my head ever since.

The other day, I was napping peacefully on the couch and woke up with, "Now wait a wait a minute."

The transition around 1:40 just kills me. I almost bounced to the floor and started shaking for the money.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

An Impulse Buy?

A little over twenty years ago, someone walked into the Tattered Cover bookstore and bought Ernest Hemingway's entire bibliography for $136.36.

A few days ago, I bought some of the same books at the thrift store and came across documentary evidence of the original transaction:

The Garden

I spent most of the day outside working on the yard. I cleaned off the back patio, picked up a bunch of trash that had blown around, did some raking. I've got a few "do a little at a time" projects this spring, including:

A) Mixing my own blend of potting soil, using last year's stock, vermiculite, perlite, compost, manure, peat moss, and a little bit of sand. It's a bit rich, but should retain water pretty well.

B) Grading the area around the patio down a few inches to fix the drainage problem. This will be tricky and take lots of fine-tuning. It will also take a lot of back-breaking work. The dirt I will use to

C) Fill the new 4'X4' raised beds I'm introducing to the garden this year. One will be for flowers and the other for veggies. Both are built and in place, but are in need of dirt. The fill I'm using is of poor quality, so they will also need amending.

I'm going to experiment with the "square foot method" this year, so one of those beds will be divided somewhat like this:
That's the map of my 4'x8' bed, which I have already planted with the cool-season plants. Supposedly you can fit 9 spinach plants in a square foot, 16 carrots, 4 lettuce plants, and so on. We'll see.

Monday, April 04, 2011

A Few Things

1) Sour Kush - Don't buy it. Yeah, it sounds good and looks even better, but it's a coma in bud form, man. A coma.

2) You know something's amiss when burning books becomes the ultimate expression of free speech. Burning a symbolically erase the ideas contained in that book...this is the epitome of free speech. In some weird way, I suppose it is, especially now when you can't suppress a book by just burning it. It's still dumb and I'm not going to clap for the widdle baby using his first amendment rights for the first time. "Ooh, wookie him 'spress himself."

Grow up, motherfucker. Write a book or something instead. Add something useful to the conversation.

3) My boy Dean Winters recorded a "local" version of his "Mayhem like me" shtick, saying "I'm a rock, sitting over I-70..." And it made me wonder, you could use that for Colorado, of course, maybe Utah. It'd sound a bit weird in Kansas, but what's he saying down in Florida? "I'm a gator in your swimming pool?"

4) When you wear shirts with snaps a couple days in a row and then switch to one with buttons, there is a small adjustment period. If you're into wearing shirts, this should be noted.

5) I was watching Apocalypse Now the other day and there was a part that I had almost forgotten. Lance is bugging out on acid at the Do Long bridge, walking through a trench. A voice cries out, "Hey, man, you just stepped on my face." Lance says, "I thought you were dead." And the guy says, "Well, you thought wrong, motherfucker." Such a great film moment.

6) And yes, I neglected my big April Fool's Day joke this year. Nice of you to notice. I had a good one ready, too. Sour Kush, man, Sour Kush.

Sunday, April 03, 2011

The Roger Choke Incident

So I came up with this story about a really bad guy. I mean, he's bad, a real piece of shit. You don't know it at first, but it soon becomes apparent but that's okay because it turns out everybody is a real piece of shit, so it doesn't even matter.

But in the course of coming up with this story, I had to come with some kind of backstory. Each character has one, and so do the various plot threads. One in particular has me tickled beyond belief. Indeed, it could almost be a story in its own right.

Here it is:

There's a gang of con artists and criminals. They're low rent, not mafia but organized. Their main trade is the bustout -- taking over a business and busting it out until its bankrupt or burnt down -- but they'll do anything greasy they can get their hands on. If an opportunity falls into their lap, they'll take it. Money's money.

So one day, they're hanging out at their latest bar, and Artie, the old guy, starts talking about this huge pile of money he saw on one of his errands. It belongs to a guy named Roger Choke, a shady Dr. Feelgood working the medical marijuana trade. "Yeah, man," Artie's saying, "Big stacks of cash, with bands and everything. There was probably thirty-forty thousand dollars just sitting there. He said he had more in his safe."

Later, three of the gang's more thuggish members --Jack, Skunk, and Miller-- decide that Roger Choke has too much money and they're going to rob him. They get his address and break in during the night, ski-masks, gloves, dark clothes, the whole nine. Not wanting to mess around, they roust Roger Choke out of bed and take him down to the living room.

"Where's the money?"

"What money?"

"Your cash."

"I don't have any cash."

They search the place, find no cash, but in the back bedroom under the closet floor, they find the safe. It's locked.

They brace Roger Choke again. "What's the combination to the safe?"

Roger Choke won't say. They start breaking his fingers, one by one. Roger Choke tells them to suck a dick. They start pulling out his teeth, but still he only opens his mouth to spit blood.

In a fit of anger, Jack starts beating him. Skunk starts in, too, but Miller just stands back and watches. Before long, Roger Choke isn't even moving. His head hangs down, his bloody tongue dripping out of the side of his mouth.

He never does tell them combination to the safe.

Jack orders them to take it anyway. They spend all night breaking it out of the floor and hauling it down to the van. They leave Roger Choke dead in a pool of his own blood.

The safe remains in Jack's basement. He still tries to pry it open. It's pitted and battered and blackened from blow torches, but its contents remain a mystery. It could be filled with cash and jewels, or insurance documents and baby pictures.

And that's the tragedy of it. They killed a man for no good reason. And that's what sets the cops on them. This is the case they are building against the gang: the robbery and murder of Roger Choke.

None of this, of course, takes place in the story I'm working on. It's all just backstory.

That Won't Work....

As gas prices increase, RTD is wondering why they're not seeing an increase in ridership. They're kind of smart in the sense that they know that the recent fare increase might have something to do with it. (A round-trip fare will cost you $4.50.)

However, I love their plan to increase ridership. Advertising:
To promote more transit use, RTD in coming weeks will be putting ads on buses, wrapping a light-rail car with a promotional message, erecting banners at stations and other locations, and running direct mail and newspaper advertisements, Reed said.
As if people don't ride because they don't know.

No, people know. They don't ride because this town has completely outgrown it's public transportation system and we're too fucking cheap to improve it.

I don't care how many advertisements you put on your buses, it won't change the fact that your service sucks.

Light rail? Great if you want to travel along the I-25 corridor and don't intend on going north (or east or west) of downtown.

A cross-town bus? Homeless people ride those to get a good night's sleep. Commuters drive.

Feel like you have too much personal time and want to waste three hours of it on your daily commute? Ride RTD.

You can not advertise yourself of these problems. Sorry.