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Saturday, March 19, 2011

Merle Haggard Did This Song Decades Ago

I heard this song on the radio and it's not horrible...but it's not very good either. Musically it's fine. But the lyrics are so....artless.

And, yes, by "artless" I mean "lacking art, knowledge, or skill" as well as "poorly made, inartistic, clumsy, crude," but I also mean "naive, unsophisticated, guileless, open, frank, plain, unaffected, candid, sincere."

He really seems to be buying into the whole "Real American" myth. Note to Aaron Lewis: This is a ploy to get naive, unsophisticated, guileless, plain, unaffected types to vote Republican.

Consider some of the lyrics:
"I still live in the sticks where you wouldn't go
In a town of twelve hundred off an old dirt road"
Note this is the second time "an old dirt road" is mentioned in the song. "Old dirt roads" signal rural authenticity. That's why he keeps mentioning them. A town of 1200 is small, no doubt, but large enough to have paved roads. This is, after all, the 21st Century.

This part made me laugh:
You'll never catch me out the house without my .9 or .45
I got a big orange tractor and a diesel truck
My idea of heaven is chasing wild tail bucks
And as a country boy I know I can survive
That ICP song started playing in my head: "You like to hunt a lot...so fucking what?"

But we haven't gotten to the flag waving part. And by flag waving, I mean...literally...flag waving.
Now two flags fly above my land
That really sum up how I feel
One's the colors that fly high and proud
The red, the white, the blue
The other one's got a rattlesnake with a simple statement made
"Don't tread on me" is what is says and I'll take that to my grave
Now I don't have a problem with flag-waving. I just have a problem with obnoxious flag-wavers. Either they're wrapping their own self-righteousness in a flag or they're complaining that other people aren't doing the proper amount of waving.

Either way, they can get on a boat to fuckoffity land, because I ain't buying it.

The last verse though is just sad:
Because this is me
Proud to be American and strong in my beliefs
And I've said it before but I'll say it again
Because I never need a government to hold my hand
And I've said it before but I'll say it again
Because my family's always fought and died to save this land
And a country boy is all I'll ever be
Wank-wank-wank. Lee Greenwood said it first, and he said it better.

Hey, I don't mind if a metalhead from Massachusetts slaps an NRA sticker on his truck and calls himself a "country boy." Just don't expect me to believe he's some kind of paragon of authenticity...

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Wages of Lead Poisoning

Another Aurora cop was shot last night. More hostages were taken. Another suspect was killed.

This is the second one this week. (I am not lying.)

Now I don't mean to criticize the way the APD does business (hehe), but I think what we have here are a bunch of criminals who got the memo:

Shoot first, ask questions later.

Since it's as unreasonable to expect the Aurora PD to act more professional as it is to expect criminals to act less criminal, it appears our only option is urban warfare.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Meet Bill

The latest little dude to get caught in my wiley ways.
I don't think this guy's going to be joining his brothers Barry and George down by the pond outside the office.

Nope, I'm off for the next two days...a well-deserved weekend after a 48-hour week. Yay, digital cinema!

Ole Bill's going to find himself orphaned near some park in Denver, not sure which one yet. Oh well, huh?

Shouldn't have went for that pita!