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Sunday, April 10, 2011

Don't Tread on Me

There's a person at work who has a Gadsden flag sticker on the back of his truck...and a handicapped placard hanging from his rearview mirror. (I'm assuming it's a man...)

Don't tread on him. But he's gonna demand rockstar parking wherever he goes. So what if you have to park way out in the corner under the evergreen that leaks sap on your windshield? What part of "Don't Tread on Me?" do you not understand?

I'm beginning to hate this symbol whenever I see it. It used to stand for something, but now it just stands for asshole.

I was driving home today and got behind some slug. Dumb lady started to go at the green light, then braked for a second --the kind of ill-timed move that gets you rear-ended, and then she went.

So I got away from her and merged into Don't Tread on Me's lane. He had some passengers and they were engaged in some fabulous conversation, I'm sure, but he was slow too!

My shoes split open, pants shredded, shirt disappeared. My eyes got all strange and animal-like and my skin turned green. Don't Tread on Me spotted the change in his rear-view mirror.

Kept adjusting it, probably to make sure I wasn't going to fly out and HULK SMASH his ass. By the time he slowed down to 35 in a 40, moving the mirror, making a big show of it --with Slowness in the other lane blocked any mode of egress-- I knew he was just fucking with me.

Cuz that's the kind of dude he is, an asshole. His sticker says, Don't Tread on ME. It doesn't say anything about treading on anyone else.

1 comment:

KickinAssTakingNames said...

I loved this story. Well told.