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Saturday, August 14, 2010

They Said

I'm truly becoming an old man. I have very little tolerance for the young, inexperienced idiots I have to talk to on the weekends.

I was just talking to this kid who was trying to play the "they told me" game. I hate this shit.

First, who the fuck is "they?" You got a name? Was it me? No? Do you have any documentation supporting what "they" told you? No?

Okay then...guess what? I'm not vouching for it.

I Ignore Her

The Dr. Laura "N Word" controversy made me think of this song by Clutch. (It's called Careful With That Mic.)

The lyrics are pretty spot-on, I'd say:
Now look here
Both you and I know the past ten years have been rather intense
I'm ashamed to admit that I've been fooled by the seductions of violence
People walkin around with ugly auras
At times I'm even tempted to seek the advice of Dr. Laura
But I ignore her

And I take a deep breath and count to ten
Ain't gonna let it get under my skin
Take a deep breath and count to ten
Think of all the nice places that I have been
Poor Dr. Laura, so confused about her point that she can't even make it right. If I understand her right, she's saying that her caller has no right to be upset about racial remarks from whites because of Def Comedy Jam. That's the point, right, Laura?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

They Misquoted Kat Von D

This is how this quote actually came out:
"I think tattooing Denise Richards was awesome, because I think people have like certain perceptions of people when they're on television, and like they think they know them. It's easy to get like wrapped up in those preconceived notions. But like being able to tattoo her, and learning that her mother, like before she passed away, was a really big fan of the show ['LA Ink'], and like they used to watch the show together. … She always told Denise, 'You should get tattooed by her.' I don't think she wanted to get like a specific tattoo; she just wanted to do it for her mom. But she came in with her dad and like her close friends, and it was just a very big deal for her. I gained a lot of respect for her. She actually had [ex-husband] Charlie [Sheen]'s name on her ankle, and we covered it up with a fairy. We like concealed the name in the fairy wings. It worked out pretty good. But you know, she's not really the tattoo type. She's not like going to get a big ol' back piece, or like sleeves done."

The Rich: Successful or Lucky?

Not to pile on Andrew Sullivan, but it annoys the piss out of me how he substitutes "the successful" when he really means "the rich." Example:
I don't like raising taxes on anyone, and I sure don't like the stigmatization of the successful. But we've got to find the money somewhere - and that's where most of it is.
Wigga, please.

I can't remember where I saw it, but I saw some data that said that a full third of the richest 1% of Americans received their massive wealth through inheritance.

Now if you started with nothing and made yourself a billionaire, yes, "successful" would apply. But if you got all your money by virtue of being born wealthy, then you're not successful.

You're just fucking lucky.

Oh God

I can't help but roll my eyes whenever Andrew Sullivan writes about religion. For example, today he writes:
Christianity's radical claim is that it is in suffering alone that we approach the truth about our ultimate condition, just as Jesus' intense suffering on the Cross makes sense only as an act of God's solidarity with us in this mortal, existential panic.
Bull-puckey.

"Christianity's radical claim" is that God split himself into three, sent one of his personalities down to earth to live for 30 some years as a man, made a name for himself doing magic tricks, got in trouble, got executed, and then came back three days later to show off his bloody palms.

If you want to make the point that "in suffering alone that we approach the truth about our ultimate condition*," you can do that without leaning on all the mythical slop from the Gospels.


* If this idea sounds like warmed-over "Buddhism For Christians"...you wouldn't be wrong.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Train of Thought

So I was thinking about Don Swayze, Patrick's brother, because he's been playing a werewolf on True Blood...

And then I started thinking about Patrick Swayze because he's Don's brother and, well, he's dead now...

And I started thinking about how at one time he could have been a huge action star, but his biggest movies turned out to be Dirty Dancing and Ghost...

So I started thinking about his action movies, Red Dawn, Steel Dawn, Next of Kin, Roadhouse. Yeah, Roadhouse...

Which got me thinking about Jeff Healey, who was in Roadhouse. and is also dead...

Which got me thinking about that time I saw Jeff Healey at a free concert in Avon, Colorado years ago...

Which got me thinking about how at one point during the show, he stood up and started jerking around blindly, because well...he was blind...

Which got me thinking about how great that show was, what a beautiful day it was. I can still see the kites flying, the waves glittering in the sunlight in the pond next to the park, the sound of rifle shots in the far hills...

Which got me thinking about how that night, after the show, me and my brother tried to get a room but every place we went to was booked. We ended up sleeping in the car, freezing our asses off...

Which got me thinking about this idea for a story I had years ago, where one of the characters has a similar freezing night in the car because all the hotels in town are booked...

Which got me thinking maybe I should revisit the story...

Which got me thinking about.........

The Truth in Six Words

I was going to read this piece recommended to me by Chuck Palahniuk (yeah, we're buds...on Facebook) but I only read the first sentence. It says all that needs to be said, so what's the point in reading the rest of it?

Here's the quote:
Stories are about people doing shit.
And it's true, dammit! These days, I'm fairly intolerant and downright ruthless with books. If nothing's happening, then I'm outta there. In the past I might have kept reading, maybe even skipping over the boring parts, but nowadays, I'll just put the book down.

How dare you waste my time with your insufferable exposition? How many novels have you read where the backstory gets dribbled out as the main character is getting dressed, eating breakfast, and driving to work? I hate that, even if every detail is captured with the most beautiful writing ever. I'm smart. I have an imagination. I can fill in the blanks.

Give me story or give me another book.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

A Sad Day Indeed

I have so many books that someday they're going to kill me. They will topple over and crush me, literally burying me with words. People ask me, "Have you read all these?" No. And I won't. I can't. There's too many of them.

It's a disease. An addiction. And you would think that the drug pushers known as the publishing industry would want to help me feed the beast.

But the truth is, they don't want to. Oh they want my money alright, but they don't want to actually give me the book.

I have a unique relationship with Dorchester Publishing. I'm a member of their horror book club and a subscriber to their Hard Case Crime imprint. When they have their sales, it's not unusual for me to call them up in New York and order a whole list of books shipped directly to me. There is no book store skim involved at all.

And they just turned their back on me.