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Saturday, July 24, 2010

The Atheist Cop Versus the Jesus People

You all know me. I don't have much use for cops. But this guy...this guy is alright.

The context: Outside a heavy metal concert, a group of sign-wielding Jesus freaks are asked to leave.

Friday, July 23, 2010

I Crack Myself Up

I posted the following ad in the Missed Connections section of Craiglist. It was meant to be a "Where's Waldo" kind of joke for a friend of mine.
It was around noon. I was drooling drunk. You were scrubbing the counter with a dirty dishrag and refused to serve me. (Thank you, by the way. If I had even one more drink, I wouldn't have had enough money left over for the bus.)

You gave me some water and offered to call me a cab. Then someone at the end of the bar farted and I puked all over myself. I never thought a dirty dishrag would feel so good, but in your hands it was like a massage from Aphrodite herself. I'm sorry you had to mop all that up. You think maybe I could buy you dinner to maker up for it?

Never got your name, but mine's Herb.
But then someone replied.
yo
whats up. i am from Denver. want to get to know me more
Segars
Short answer: No.

Sinister Kid

You want to hear some good music? Pick up the Black Keys' new record. These dudes are quickly becoming one of my favorite bands.

This song has been playing in my head all day.

A sinister kid is a kid who
Runs to meet his Maker
A drop dead sprint from the day he's born
Straight into his Maker's arms
And that's me, that's me
The boy with the broken halo
That's me, that's me
The devil won't let me be

No Joke Back in the Booth

Somebody in Indiana has been stealing shit.

Last week, he (I'm assuming it's a he) swiped all the guts out of one of our computers. Of course, thanks to my network vigilance, he got caught. Okay, not caught. Revealed.

I talked to the manager and he was supposedly interested in finding out who it was. Apparently he didn't, because today there were four computers down. The thief was smarter this time. He didn't steal everything. He just stole the memory, which of course, rendered the computer inoperable anyway.

Busted again.

The funny thing is that when I called, the manager was freaking out because some of their other computers were acting up. Yeah, they were probably gutted too.

This thief is not only going to get caught and fired, but he's going to be prosecuted too. And for what? Some old computer parts?

When You Put it Like That....

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

By the way, all of these people are horrible. I'm not looking forward to hanging out with them in hell.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Suckers

If I was a conservative Republican --which I'm not-- but if I were, I'd be a little miffed.

While the right wing is freaking out over the NAACP and non-racist black ladies losing their jobs for helping white people, President Obama signed what CNN calls "the most-sweeping set of changes to America's financial regulatory system since the 1930s" into law today.

Both Republicans and Democrats are pumping their fist today, but for different reasons.

Republicans: "Yeah, we called that lady a racist and got her fired!"

Democrats: "We reformed Wall Street!"

Regardless of your political philosophy, there's a stark difference in attitudes and results here. One side is petty and vindictive, winning victories on shit that doesn't even matter.

And the other is...not so petty, not so vindictive, and they're winning victories on shit that matters. Vote accordingly.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Half Full Glass of Wine

I heard this song on Entourage and dug it enough to look it up. I love the deep-bass syncopation and the Cream-like guitar. The songs ends with a drum solo, so you know the drummer's got chops too.