Friday, August 28, 2009

Deep Thoughts

I wonder where the phrase "grown ass man" comes from. The grown part I get, the man part I get. But why is that "ass" thrown into the mix?

This never occurred to me until I heard Hoyt on True Blood tell his Mama, "I'm a grown ass man!"

I knew what he meant, but you turn it around a bit and he could be talking about a Sir Mix-a-Lot clone straight out the vat.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Tokyo Gore Police

Tokyo Gore Police is perhaps the most disgusting movie ever, and I watched it last night. I'm not just talking about spurting geysers of blood, of which there is plenty, I'm talking about scatological perversions that, if they don't scar the intellect, at least they get at the appetite.

There's one scene where an undercover cop infiltrates a sex club where "engineers," genetically modified mutants with all kinds of grotesque disfigurements, pleasure then kill the patrons. The cop picks out a girl with her breasts sewn shut and they go back to a room, where she proceeds to go down on him.

You know what's coming next. Crunch!

She bites off his dick and holds it in her mouth. Blood spurts out of his crotch for a good thirty seconds.

He manages to get at his gun, which happens to be an Uzi, and he starts shooting at the girl, cutting her in half with the bullets. Now keep in mind, you see all of this in slow-motion detail, the bullets shredding her torso, the blood gushing out like a fountain, the body coming apart. You even get a close-up of the dismembered penis, lying on the floor in sadness.

Cut to the cop crawling out of the room, dickless. It's not over. The girl is an "engineer," and her mutation turns any wound into a weapon, including (apparently) being cut in half. And she's not done with the cop.

She slithers out of the room after him, smiling with deadly teeth and all-black eyes. Her transformation is hideous. The entire lower half of her body has become some kind of crocodile mouth, each "leg" the upper and lower half of a monstrous jaw with jagged teeth. A disgusting little tongue flickers out from her crotch.

She goes after him, bites his arm off. (Pause for another geyser of blood.) It's the one with the gun. He's dickless, missing an arm, and his gun is still in his dismembered hand.

They wrestle around for a bit, and he ends up sticking his dismembered hand with the gun in her crotch-mouth. He can't pull the trigger with telepathy, so what now? Luckily there's a piece of tendon hanging from the bloody stump, so he pulls it, the finger on the hand moves, the gun goes off, and the girl splatters across the wall.

Later on, the cop becomes an engineer and goes on a killing spree with a dick-gun and a sword-hand.

You think I'm making this up? I assure you, I am not sick enough to make this up.

The proof is in your Netflix queue. If you have the guts.

What's the Point?

My banks straight up pissed me off today.

Logging into my checking account, I got locked out of my account again. They switched to a new security system a few months ago and the fucking thing just does not work.

I have no idea how many criminals and ID thieves it has thwarted, but it's got me crossing my fingers every time I log in.

It's become such an annoyance that I've been thinking about severing my ten-plus year relationship with this bank and going with one that is a little more user friendly.

And then from the bank that holds my mortgage, I get a notice that says I have a shortage in my escrow account. To that, I say: Bullshit.

My house lost tens of thousands of dollars in value last year. Consequently, my taxes have gone down. I just called them to see why my escrow amount was sufficient last year, when my taxes were higher, but is in shortage this year when my taxes have gone down.

They explained to me that my insurance has gone up.

Of course! What better time to raise insurance rates than a global economic meltdown!

Such chutzpah. Since I've gotten my homeowner's insurance policy, my insurance company has provided me nothing. No goods, no services. Nothing.

But they're going to raise my rates? Not in response to the claims I haven't filed. Not in response to new services they haven't given me. Mostly just because they can.

You see, since I have a mortgage on my house, I must have it insured. The insurance company loves it because the only thing they're doing in this transaction is cashing my checks. Other companies also cash my checks, but in exchange they provide me with things.

The only thing my insurance company has provided is a big headache.

It's enough to make a guy ask, what's the point? Why am I working so hard just to get ripped off?


Ronald Reagan was once the president of a union...

Called SAG...

In Hollywood...


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Song of the Day

This song was stuck in my head for most of the day.

Especially the part that goes:
Attention all athletes, there are minor scheduling adjustments
Space disc is totally canceled
Space swords is totally canceled
Space luge is also canceled
And all other events are pending
Then I managed to push Space Olympics out of my head long enough to get this song stuck in my head.


If it wasn't for Andrew Sullivan's vacation B-team, I wouldn't have seen this from the National Review's Andy McCarthy.
There is a principled human-rights position on all this[the torture debate]. You can say: "No one wants to see bad things happen to people, but I honestly believe abusive tactics are so corrosive of our society's principles that it would be better for 10,000 Americans to be killed in a terrorist attack than for us to prevent the attack by subjecting a morally culpable terrorist to non-lethal forms of coercion that cause no lasting physical or mental harm."
Conor Friedersdorf notes:
Strange that Mr. McCarthy uses a hypothetical wherein everyone who undergoes "enhanced interrogation" is a morally culpable terrorist, where the techniques used are always non-lethal, and where no lasting physical or mental harm is done.
No, what's strange is Andy McCarthy pulling this "10,000 Americans killed in a terrorist attack" shit out of his ass.

That's more than the Americans killed on 9-11. It's more than the total dead from the Iraq-Afghanistan wars combined.

I mean, I can't figure out where he got this number. Take the worst terrorist attack in American history and triple it? Assume that the terrorists are more competent now, after 8 years of a Global War on Terror, than they were on 9-11?

Remember what I wrote this morning:
You overstate the threat, use the overstatement to justify bad behavior, then blindly push forth heedless of the consequences.
And then watch Andy McCarthy do exactly that.

Huff Post Schmuff Post

Not a good week for the Huffington Post. First came reports that their most-read items are gossipy crap, and now this:
The Colorado Democratic Party headquarters in Denver was vandalized this past week in what party officials say was a protest against President Obama's health care agenda.
The party officials are wrong.

This wasn't a protest against Obama's health care agenda. Considering the perpetrator is a left-wing activist, this was a case of Nixonian ratfucking.

But you won't find that out on Huffington Post. Nope, for that you have to actually go to the local paper.

Most Vile (Again)

Joe Klein on the latest torture docs:
I'm not sure that we want to have people who threaten naked prisoners with electric drills remain in the service of our country.
Oh, I'm sure. Damn sure.

And it's a big "Fuuuuuuck no." We're a super-power (or we were) not some tin-pot South American dictatorship. Gimme a break.

Just because Dick Cheney wants people to cover his ass, doesn't mean you have to do it! This ain't no sporting event and there's no such thing as fair-weather fans. There's right...and there's wrong.

And torture is wrong.

Discouraging Surrender and Rewarding Martyrdom

Andrew Sullivan dips his toe into hysterical waters here (as any Sullivan reader will tell you is his wont) but he touches on one of the unintended consequences of our flirtation with Dick Cheney's torture regime.
The key thing, according to the CIA, is to enhance "the potential dread a high-value detainee might have of US custody". Notice the shift from the standards of the past. In the past, the US was known for being a country whose soldiers would never mistreat prisoners; now, the US wants the world to know that US custody is something to be dreaded. That's what Cheney did to America. He's proud of it. If you are ever captured by a US soldier, and suspected of terrorism, you know that torture will be coming soon. The values of Washington and Eisenhower and Reagan are inverted. The reputation of the US as a defender of human rights is reversed. The point is that America must be feared for its willingness to abandon all human rights.
One wonders if suicide bombing, which I've always considered a desperate tactic from a strategically weak position, would have become such a phenomenon if detainees were treated with the minimum of humane treatment.

I can imagine a Jihadi contemplating an attack on the Great Satan. "If I'm taken alive," he muses as he sets the detonator on an IED, "I will be tortured. You know, screw that. I'm going to strap this bomb to my chest and walk into that recruiting station and kill them all. Yeah, I'll be dead, too, but check it out: Dun-nuh-nuh. Nuh-nuh. Can't touch this."

I mean, is it a surprise why a fully committed Jihadi would choose martyrdom over humiliation? Of course not! He's a committed Jihadi! On a purely cold behavioral level, martyrdom is at least some form of reward.

I know, I know. We don't want to "reward" our enemies with good treatment. Instead, we prefer that they "reward" themselves in a suicide attack.

Real smart, that one.

More Most Vile

CIA documents on torture, the documents that Dick Cheney said would vindicate his view that torture is immoral (the "dark side" as he put it) but necessary and useful, were released in a heavily redacted form the other day. Needless to say, they don't vindicate shit.

In fact, they are quite shameful. Glenn Greenwald puts some of the greatest hits in bullet-point form:
(a) threatening to blow their brains out, torture them with drills, rape their mothers, and murder their children; (b) choking them until they pass out; (c) pouring water down their throats to drown them; (d) hanging them by their arms until their shoulders are dislocated; (e) blowing smoke in their face until they vomit; (f) putting them in diapers, dousing them with cold water, and leaving them on a concrete floor to induce hypothermia; and (g) beating them with the butt of a rifle
Then bemoans:
how degraded, barbaric and depraved a society becomes when it lifts the taboo on torturing captives.
I agree. "Good" people do not do these things. A "good" nation does not condone them.

And this is why my point in my "Most Vile" post is so important.

If you have convinced yourself that Islamic terrorists are "unprecedentedly vile" or "worse than the Nazis," then it's very easy to justify doing all of these things that Greenwald talks about (and all of them we did).

After all, the Nazis killed six million people. They burned entire cities to the ground, sought to hold an entire continent from the Urals to the Normandy coast under its jackboot! These terrorist motherfuckers make them look like a Girl Scout troop, so let's do to them what we didn't do to the Nazis.

Torture them. Put them in a hole down in some offshore legal limboland (Gitmo) and hope they all die from their hunger strikes. Let's strip them naked, set the dogs on them, put panties on their head, smear them with their own shit, drown them, force them into hypothermia.

After all, we're not betraying our values when we do this. We're "defending" them from an unprecedentedly vile enemy!

See how it works? You overstate the threat, use the overstatement to justify bad behavior, then blindly push forth heedless of the consequences. It happens a lot.

George Bush did it with Iraq, telling us about mushroom clouds and yellow cake in the hands of terror-supporters, when in reality, the biggest threat in Iraq was improvised explosive devices in the hands of sectarian warlords. And we're still there, and people will still tell you that we need to be there.

The cops did it with my trash-dumping incident, calling it "theft" so they could tow my truck, and then attempting to actually prosecute me for "stealing" Dumpster space.

The fool who killed George Tiller did it too, calling Tiller a "murderer" and then using that as a justification to walk into a church and gun him down.

In each of these cases (and I'm sure you can think of more) moral motives provided the justification for immoral actions.

But our society already had this discussion before, and we determined that "the ends do not justify the means." Period.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Battlefield Medicine

Yesterday, while helping my brother move, the drawer of a metal filing cabinet slammed on the ring finger of my left hand, slicing my finger just below the fingernail. It hurt and it bled and it looked ugly, but there was more work to be done.

So I glued it shut with super glue and wrapped it up with duct tape. We're talking about some improvised battlefield medicine here.

And it worked! The bleeding stopped, the pain was negligible. Twenty-four hours later, it has yet to get infected, a miracle for a finger wound in the midst of a heavy-duty move. Hopefully it will heal faster with minimal scarring.

Of course, today, I'm back to Neosporin and Skin Shield (a nail polish-like liquid bandage) as well as the old Band-aids, but in a pinch...super glue and duct tape will do.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Americana of the Day

I don't know if this is true, but I found it here. If it is true, it's damn interesting on so many levels:
Leavenworth is home to more Medal of Honor recipients than any other place besides Arlington.