Friday, May 15, 2009

Bike-To-Work Week

This week was Bike-To-Work Week, which is kind of funny because for me, it's Bike-To-Work Year.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

124-110 - Nuggets Take Series

And Head to Western Conference Finals

Forget game 3, with its blown call and taint. Forget game 4 with its last minute Mavericks victory and Mark Cuban being a dick.

Game 5 was something special.
Billups got a double-double, 29 points, 12 assists, and Melo got 30.

I hear the Western Conference Finals will be on ABC, which means I can watch it with my widdle ole digital converter box. Yeah.

Listening to it on the radio captures what happens but it misses the art of the game.

It's not painting, but calculating the perfect angle for a nothing-but-net 3-pointer with muscle memory and visual cues is an art.

So go Rockets. (Although I think the Nuggets can take the Lakers too. Besides...wouldn't it be great to see Melo versus Lebron in the Finals? The Class of 03, franchise players who took their teams from zero to hero before they turned 25!)

Say What?

Ya know, I trash Republicans quite routinely with great aplomb. It's fun, it's easy, and it makes me feel good. But this is why I'm not a Democrat:
WASHINGTON – House Democrats are crafting a plan that would require all Americans to carry health insurance and would help families making less than $88,000 pay the premiums. Employers, too, would have to help foot the bill.
No, no, no, no, no, no, NO.

No. Nut uh.

This is not how we're going to solve our healthcare problem. This is how we're going to make it worse.

What, may I ask, will be the penalties if you scoff at this requirement? Jailtime? Fines? Loss of privileges?

Well, considering how government already enforces insurance requirements already on the books, yeah, probably. Ask me my views on car insurance requirements.

But even worse than bringing the iron hand of the punitive state upon us, this plan has the dual detriments of being both expensive and effectively useless. Expensive, because it will be helping families who make under $88,000, which means: a lot of families, and useless because health providers will gobble up government money even faster than they gobble up insurance money now.

Once the government starts promising money, costs go up. They don't come down. You know why? Because in some quarters, being a greedy motherfucker with a brain is considered a virtue. (All that rational self-interest gunk.)

After all, you don't have to be a smart person to take free money from the government --any idiot would do it. Even a doctor. You think the doctor charging you massive consultation fees now in our take-it-or-leave-it semi-market situation is going to cut them once the Feds are paying your bills? Sheeeeeeeeeeeit.

Not if he wants that Ferrari!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009


The columbines are blooming, the columbines are blooming!

I think these are columbines, too, but they might be something else... Who cares? They're blooming!

The columbines come back every year, and so do these. They even reseeded themselves. Yeah, boy. Blooming.

Stripper Drama

My brother and I look enough alike that you can tell we're brothers. Some people think we're twins, which is ridiculous because I have a couple of inches, 50 pounds, and 18 months on him. We look alike, but c'mon, man, we're not twins.

One time we were at a strip club and this stripper saw us and asked, "Are you guys brothers?"

My brother, in a moment of comedy genius said, "No, he's my Dad." It was hilarious.

And it only got more so later in the night when the same stripper saw me --my brother was in the bathroom or something-- and said, "Hey, Daddy, where's your son?"

I was rolling.

Monday, May 11, 2009


I was tormented by strange dreams this morning. The first round was uncomfortable, the second round absolutely terrifying.

In my first dream, my street was waterfront property. It wasn't strange or unusual. It was as if it had always been that way. Only this year, there were horrible storms and pack ice crashing against the shore. I came out the front door and looked down the street. Water was lapping up on the porch of the house on the corner.

I went back inside and awhile later, I peaked out the window to see some people approaching my front door. The guy was lugging around a camera and tripod, the woman a mike. They were reporters and they wanted to ask me my views on my neighbor's precarious situation.

I looked down at the ice, at the water crashing up against the pier that would normally be my street, and I just got this sense of vertigo and dread, so I shook myself awake.

Kicking the blanket off and tossing away the sweat-soaked pillow, I realized there was more sleeping to be had.

So I drifted off again...

And found myself in my house, and again I saw some people walking around outside. They were wearing blue jumpsuit, the kind a mechanic might wear, and almost as soon as I noticed them, there was a knock at my door.

So I opened the door and saw a giant standing in front of the sliding glass entry. He was so tall that the only part of his face I could see was his mouth, which stretched into an evil grin almost as soon as I opened the door.

I freaked out and woke up again. Tonight, I'm bringing my teddy bear with me.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The 420 Celebration in Boulder This Year

Mom, don't watch this.Look at the cloud of smoke!

(My cousin Josh was interviewed in this video.)