A Few Things

The Socialist-in-Chief isn't sounding very socialist:

America still has the "most dynamic free-market economy on Earth," Obama said in an Oval Office meeting with one of his top economic advisors, former Federal Reserve Chairman Paul Volcker.

You say that like you think that's a good thing. Some socialist you are... I knew you were a phony, Barry. I knew it!

I'm sure you've already heard about Cramer Versus Stewart. Jon Stewart was on a roll last night. This part, I think, resonated:

"These guys at these companies were on a Sherman's March through their companies financed by our 401Ks and all the incentives for their companies were for short-term profit. And they burned the fucking house down with our money and walked away rich as hell."

YES!

It's been often portrayed that if you're not in favor of Gecko-like Wall Street shenanigans then you're a free market hating commie socialist/fascist, but it's not so simple. You can be for the free market and still be against it's excesses.

This guy doesn't get that part:

"Cramer and the network can defend themselves, but what became clear to me is that Stewart really doesn't believe in the idea of a stock market where individuals can go to invest their money and build wealth over the long term."

Then you missed Stewart's point. He is, in fact, in favor of individuals investing and building wealth for the long term.

He's just not in favor of short-term fraudsters ripping those individuals off! And neither am I.

In other news, Forbes came out wiht their new list of billionaires and not surprisingly, a Mexican drug lord made the list. This prohibition thing is working out...for the drug lords.

Speaking of stupid policies, Texas governor Rick Perry is rejecting hundreds of millions in federal stimulus money. This move is red meat for the right wing, but a big "Fuck you" to the unemployed.

Too bad for Perry, the unemployed are starting to outnumber the wingnuts...

But I do pity him for having to make the tough decisions. If Texas seceded from the Union and elected Chuck Norris president, they wouldn't even have the option to take federal stimulus money.

I imagine there's a lot of proud Americans that live in Texas that don't want to live in Tim McVeigh's utopia, so the likelihood of that is pretty slim I'd say.

Irony

I saw this floating around the internets.

“Life is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.” —Hobbes; died in bed, age 91

TPS Reports

I've been on the night shift for...I don't know, since January. Every night I have these reports I need to do. Yeah, it's not just all sitting around, watching movies and surfing the internet. Oh no.

There is still a helm to be manned. And I am that man.

Here's the funny thing. Today I found out that one of these reports I've been doing all wrong. Not just since January, but since the last time I was on the night shift!

The boss begged me --literally, begged me with at least three pleases.-- to include two more tabs with more illuminated information. No problem. I redid it and sent it on out in a flashy e-mail that said, "And now with tabs!"

The funny thing is that no one noticed. None of my co-workers, who supposedly check the report on a daily basis, none of my bosses, none of my boss's bosses. They didn't notice until today. Or yesterday. Or whatever day it is.

Obviously, it's a very useful report...

Cognitive Dissonance

Not sure I get this...but when Glenn Reynolds isn't trying to sell you on Tea Party Protests and Going Galt, he's trying to get you buy shit from Amazon.

Look, the new iPod shuffle! Ooooh, look, a bunch of marked down Blu-Ray releases!

Obama Atreides

This is the weirdest graphic I have ever seen. I think it's some kind of slam in the Obama-as-Messiah vein, but if so, it's an epic fail.

I just watched Dune the other day and have been paging through Frank Herbert's Dune Messiah before falling asleep, and I'm confused.

So Obama is like Paul Atreides, the hero of the Dune books? You mean the guy who took down a corrupt empire, freed the people of Arrakis, and actually turned out to be the messiah?

This is supposed to be a slam? Read the book again, bud.

On Prohibition

Today I heard...again...the claim that marijuana should remain illegal because A) "it's more powerful than the stuff we were smoking in the 60s" and B) it's controlled by criminal cartels.

Sorry, folks, but those things are natural consequences of prohibition.

Fifty years of selective breeding by basement horticulturalists is going to result in a more powerful drug. There's pot so loaded with THC that one hit is enough to put you into a coma. (Not literally, but you know what I mean.)

But that doesn't mean that if marijuana were brought to market, that this super-weed would be what people would smoke.

You don't see people drinking moonshine very much any more, do you? Of course not. Jack Daniels is fine.

As for the cartels...yeah, cartels form in a black market. In a legitimate market, companies form. Is Budweiser a cartel? Of course not!

If you could buy pot from the American Weed Company, why would you even consider buying it from a drug cartel?

Sorry, folks...you're going to have to come up with a better reason for keeping pot underground.

New Age Nonsense

When I Netflix'd The Lost Secrets of the Maya, I was expecting a documentary about the lost secrets of the Maya. I imagined archaeologists and ethnographers and anthropologists stomping through the all the familiar Mayan sites, Palenque, Tikal, maybe even Chichen Itza, speaking into the camera about the history and culture of the Ancient Maya.

I was also hoping to see some of the more unfamiliar sites: the ancient pyramids of El Mirador, maybe, or the distinctive stelae of Copan. The murals of Bonampak maybe? The Puuc-style ornament of Uxmal architecture? Maybe something from Tikal's historical rival Calakmul?

But instead of getting anything informative about the Maya, The Lost Secrets of the Maya consists of a crank giving a talk in front of an easel about New Age nonsense like planetary consciousness and the flow of creation.

I watched about 20 seconds of it and shut it off.

One thing I'm not interested in is this idea that there's something mystical about ancient cultures being actually sophisticated. Is it really too hard to believe that people can form complex societies without the assistance of extraterrestrials?

Clive Confusion

Dear Clive,

I love your work. Huge fan. But can I offer you some advice?

Space out your movies a little. I have no problem with you doing two movies a year. You're working and like I said, I'm a huge fan. But...

Do both of your movies have to come out the same month? It can be confusing. For instance:

Is this picture from your romantic comedy co-starring Julia Roberts or your thriller co-starring Naomi Watts?

Quick. Take a guess. You've got a 50-50 shot. Thriller or RomCom?

Not sure? This one should answer your question.

(And yes, despite the similarity in wardrobe, these photos really are from two very different movies. I'll put the answer in the comments.)

The Case of the Changing Tat

You didn't believe me when I told you that Katy Perry had my name tattooed on her wrist. I wanted to put it in a less conspicuous place, but she insisted on wearing it proudly. She wanted everyone to know how she felt, she said. I didn't mind.

Until we broke up...
And she changed it to Jesus.

Sports Stuff

I'm not sure if the Broncos are trying to get rid of Jay Cutler or Jay Cutler is just being a baby. I do wish we still had two newspapers in this town so we could figure it all out, though.

I'm actually leaning towards Cutler being a baby. Did he forget how he got his start? Is he thinking about all those playoff games he's won? Oh yeah...what playoff games?

Speaking of playoffs, the Nuggets might get bounced out of them. Right now they're in the 7th seed of the Western Conference, and on a solid losing streak. It's not desperate yet, but they're feeling the heat.

Tonight they play Oklahoma City and to encourage them, you should slag on Chris Andersen. Call him a turkey, tell him that his socks are falling down, something. Maybe he'll block some shots and make some dunks like the Birdman we love instead of just clucking around like the rooster we hate.

So, c'mon, Bird. Live up to those Kanji symbols tatted on your forearm. Smile, taste kittens!

The Hearing

Grrrrrr. My hearing is on April 3rd, three weeks away. The lady told me that until then I cannot drive.

I didn't say anything to her on the phone, but of course my answer to that is "Fuck you." Jaime has to get to el trabajo somehow, and it ain't gonna be public transportation. (If a one-way trip took less than two hours, I'd consider it...)

I'm pretty sure they're going to suspend my license for a year, though. They're gonna hit me with this:

Been required to file and maintain proof of financial responsibility for the future as provided by section 42-4-1410 or article 7 of this title and who, at the time of a violation of any provision of this title, had not filed or was not maintaining such proof;

That's the reason why my license was suspended in the first place. Apparently I had to file an SR 22 and I didn't. The "a violation of any provision of this title" refers to my 1-point "driving with a defective headlight ticket" I plead guilty to last week.

The penalty?

"Unless otherwise provided in this section, the period of revocation shall be not less than one year;"

This will all no doubt be affirmed at my hearing. Sigh.

Suspended...AGAIN!

It's four in the morning and I'm fighting to stay awake. I didn't get very much sleep last night, maybe two full hours, and part of the reason, I think, is the letter I got from the Driver Control section of Colorado's Department of Revenue.

It said, and I'm paraphrasing here, that my license as been suspended again according to Colorado Revised Statutes 42-2-125.

Oh, man, I was pissed.

So I looked up 42-2-125, to see if it's even applicable to my situation. As far as I knew, I was reinstated...I mean, I paid the $95 reinstatement fee, spent hours at the DMV jumping through their hoops, and came out the other end with a valid drivers license.

But the state's going to suspend me again? Because I was convicted of driving with a defective headlight? Well guess what, Driver Control section, if you're going to suspend my license under authority of CRS 42-2-125, then you better be damn sure that CRS 42-2-125 applies to me. Reading through it, I don't think it does.

My only course of action at this point is to request a hearing, which I attempted to do yesterday. I called the Driver Control section, went through their menus, only to listen to a recording telling me, "We're sorry, we can't process you request at this time. Please try back in a half hour or so."

Fuck you...and your hoops, man! There are other things I want to do in this life besides prove to the state that I can fucking drive! I don't have any more money or time to give you people. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Yeah...pissed. Pissed I say!

Strange Coincidences In Entertainment

Last week on Flight of the Conchords, Art Garfunkel made a cameo appearance in episode teeming with Simon and Garfunkel references.

This week on East Bound and Down, a dejected Kenny Powers goes jetskiing to the Sounds of Silence.

Also, in the Watchmen movie, which I saw yesterday, the very same Sounds of Silence song pops up in a funeral sequence.

There's hundreds of shows and dozens of movies out there, but somehow I'm directed to the ones with Simon and Garfunkel.

Great moments in East Bound and Down:

Kenny Powers bragging about his cookout prowess: "You should see my fucking cookouts, man. When I was back in Seattle, I had the goddamned Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos coming to my shit. Oh yeah, I'm talking six grills burning at all times, tiki torches, three whole pigs, fucking shitloads of macaroni and cheeses, baked potatoes, collard greens, a horse, fucking Puerto Rican chicks showing their pussies and tits of everywhere. They were amazing."

The goddamned Spoonman from the Soundgarden videos. Man, I was rolling.