Saturday, January 03, 2009

All Work and No Play Makes Jimmy a Dull Boy

Thank fucking god this hellish week is over. I'd elaborate, but I've already started a few posts bitching about my problems but they all sound whiny. Just thinking about it puts me in a foul mood.

I mean, who wants to hear a guy complain about his life falling apart? Not me.

Who cares if you're working all the time? You're always alone? Who gives a shit? Get a dog, right? You don't like winter? Well, buck up, kid. You don't live in the tropics. Putting on weight? Then jog to McDonalds, you fat fuck. Still envious about working the holidays? Guess what, they're over. Tired of working nights? Deal with it, dude.

You know how it goes.

Thursday, January 01, 2009

On New Year's Day

Oh man, what a day.

First, the network was hit with some kind of worm that forced our visibly hung-over IT guys to come in.

Then the HVAC unit started smoking, and before long the hallways were choked with it and the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate the building and we stood around in the parking lot for an hour or so as the firemen (and woman) did their checks and cleared us for return. (One of the IT guys took the opportunity to pass out in his car for a while. He woke up later, nauseated, the sun hurting his eyes.)

Of course, by then I just wanted to watch Mythbusters and not do any work. (Did you know you can pick a lock with the filaments from a couple lightbulbs? Steel toe shoes help.)

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The State Patrol Sucks Too

I didn't want to grinch on everyone's parade or badmouth the holidays, but the holidays officially fucking suck. I'm glad they're over. I'm glad things will go back to normal.

And I'm not just saying that because I got pulled over on the way home tonight. Hey, officer, I know that everyone else is out drinking and driving, but I'm actually commuting.

Yeah, it's party time for the world. Just another Wednesday for me.

Happy New Year

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to ring in the New Year with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. Actually, wait...

I won't be ringing in the new year with Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper, but it's nice to know that they're there if I need them.

Coach Speculation

So Bill Cowher doesn't want to coach Brett Favre. Okay, fine.

But does he want to coach Jay Cutler???

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

On Shanahan

Just as I get ready to write a post about the stupidity of firing your head coach after a bad season, the Broncos go and fire Mike Shanahan.

I'm still a bit in shock, and I'm also worried. Now what, Pat Bowlen?

Are you going to turn us into the Chargers, rebuilding every three years? The Lions?

Say what you want about Mike Shanahan, at least we were consistently good under him. We didn't make the playoffs every year, but during the last thirteen years of Shanahan's tenure, the Broncos have only had two seasons below .500.

In the same time, the Chargers had six head coaches and five losing seasons. The Jets...five head coaches since 1995, five losing seasons. The Lions: seven head coaches, ten losing seasons.

I hope we don't go down that road. A new coach every three years, rebuilding every other. That's no fun at all.

So so long, Mike, and thanks for all the wins.

Aurora Cops Suck

A co-worker was telling me the tale of how her sister's house had been broken into over the weekend. It took the cops two hours to show up on the scene. Two hours that she spent freezing in her car, waiting for a black and white to do a drive-by.

I told her that she should have told them that someone was dumping trash in her Dumpster, because three squad cars and a tow-truck would show up within ten minutes, ready to kick ass and take names. I know that for a fact.

Bush the Magic Reader

Karl Rove says President Bush read 95 books last year. I say bullshit.

You mean to tell me that he's reading two books a week? When? I'm a lowly network technician who loves to read, and I can barely manage one a week. I just don't have the time.

If the President has that much spare time...something's wrong. But then again, that's been apparent for a number of years now.


The blogger who complains about the internetz being boring during the holidays goes on a blogstorm...and then for four days, writes nothing.

Mychal Bell, one of the six black teenagers that beat up a white kid in Jena, Louisiana and then tried to justify it by saying, "I was racismed against," shot himself in the chest Monday after getting caught shoplifting last week. Unfortunately, "Whitey" can't be blamed in this case.

Whitey had an alibi. He was busy distributing the "Barack the Magic Negro" song to loyal Republican voters.

(This race issue is so complicated, innit? Punk kids use it as a defense, and doofus politicians use it to promote their party. It's such a versatile tool, one wonders why we don't try to organize our society around it. Oh, wait...tried that already.)

On a completely different topic, I saw a headline somewhere that I can't find now that a "shark activist was killed by a shark," and I thought, hmmm, that's ironic, but then I started thinking, "What the hell is a shark activist?"

Save the sharks? From what? Hey, I know they are living creatures, vulnerable to all the hazards of life, but sharks have been around for a loooooooong time. Of all the species out there to protect, I think sharks are the only ones saying, "Uh, no thanks, we don't need your help. We're doing just fine on our own."

Mankind, on the other hand, could use a little help. Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.