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Friday, December 12, 2008

Dealing With Fools

Twenty five minutes I spent dealing with you idiots today. Twenty five minutes for something that takes two. Twenty five minutes trying to figure out just the right single syllable words to use that will make you actually understand what I was talking about.

I get that complicated technical acronyms like "TMS" is beyond your comprehension level.

But what I don't get is why you're so fucking stupid? Sorry if that sounds mean, but what else could it be? I gave you simple directions in clear simple language. "Pull the power cable from the computer."

That's not hard. It is hard, however, if you don't know what a computer is or are unable to distinguish a power cable from, say, a network cable. But if that's the case.....

WHY AM I EVEN TALKING TO YOU?

You can't help me. I can't help you. So what's the point? Put someone on who has a brain.

Updated: Man, that idiot put me in a REAL bad mood. Breeeeeeathe, James.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Heart Polamalu

I've been getting a lot of shit from the guys at work whenever I gush over Troy Polamalu, but hey...I'm willing to take the hit. Troy Polamalu is the best defensive player in football these days. The guy is involved in almost every play, never gives up, flies around with no concern to his personal safety and to top it off, he's a lot of fun to watch.

I'm not afraid to admit it. The dude is aweome.

(This commercial is awesome too. David Fincher directed it.)

Joe the Phony

I don't mean to pile on Joe the Plumber. I mean, the guy is a plumber...or he was before he became a media sensation...so really, who gives a fuck, right? In the big scheme of things, Joe the Plumber is a nobody. He's just a Republican stooge with all the staying power of a disposable diaper.

The latest reports have been quite funny though.
Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, who became a household name in the final weeks of the presidential campaign, said he asked McCain why he voted for the bank bailout and was stunned by some of the answers.

"I was angry," Wurzelbacher told conservative radio host Glenn Beck on Tuesday. "In fact, I wanted to get off the bus after I talked to him."
But like a good little stooge, you didn't get off the bus. You went to the rallies and held up the signs. And on election day, I think we all know who you pulled the lever for and it wasn't the black guy.

The thing that gets me is not Joe's stooginess, but his complete and utter gullibility. He's still singing Sarah Palin's praises.

Wurzelbacher also campaigned with vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. He had only praise for her, calling Palin the real deal.

"It disgusts me on how often they try to bash her just for her sincerity," he said. "She really wants to work for America."
Joe. Listen to me carefully, Joe.

When you spend a hundred and fifty grand on clothes, when you drop twenty grand on make-up, when you get this deer-in-headlights look when Charlie Gibson asks you about the Bush Doctrine, you are NOT the real deal. You are a stuffed shirt.

The chick who knows her stuff, even if she's not much to look at? That's the real deal.

And what's this "she really wants to work for America" crap? Which America, Joe? The "real" America that thinks a gussied up know-nothing is "the real deal?" Or the rest of us who aren't so gullible?

Joe the Plumber? More like Joe the Chump.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Few Things

In this time of change and upheaval, it's nice to see that the English-as-a-second-language crowd at 7-11 are entirely reliable. You can ask them nicely for a "carton of Marlboro Lights" but all they will hear is "Marlboro Lights" and instead of producing a carton, they'll set down a single pack. Perhaps it's not incompetence. Maybe they're just looking out for my health.

I had a catastrophic contact failure at the grocery store today. It rolled up under my eye lid, the end result of which was me, wandering blindly down the canned goods aisle, tears streaming down my face as I asked the kind sighted people where I could find the restroom.

Having seen the movie a half dozen times now, I think I can say that Tropic Thunder is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I have since taken to talking to my dogs in Lincoln Osiris's voice. "You hungry? Yeah, man. How bout a little dog food? That's what I'm talking about." My dog Jack is deaf so he can't hear me, but I find it endlessly amusing.

That and whenever I need to make some kind of excited exhortation I now say "Big ass titties!" Say it with me: "Big ass titties!"

Last week, the neighbors with the annoying dog moved out. I'm not sure if they were evicted or what, but they left a lot of stuff behind. They took their dogs though, which was a good thng. This week some more people are moving in...with even more annoying dogs. One of them looks like, and I shit you not, a chihuahua mixed with a pit bull. I heard the little beast yipping and yapping earlier today and wondered how I was ever going to get used to it.

Woah, boy, when they said Chicago politics were corrupt they weren't joking, were they? I still find it the height of hilarity that Jesse Jackson Jr. is in the middle of it too. The apple truly doesn't fall far from the tree. (Is there a Jesse Jackson III out there, or are we done with these clowns yet?)

The boss, who supported McCain, asked me how I felt about "my boy" Obama now. I laughed and said I was glad they were finding this out now. What I find comforting is that no one is defending Blagojevich except Blagojevich himself. If Blagojevich was a Republican, I expect he would have more defenders.

You know, like when White House hacks exposed a CIA agent, or when the president decided the Geneva conventions were, ahem, quaint.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Operation Mongoose

Alright, blogfriends. I've been nominated for a blog award. Yes, it's amazing, I know. What an honor.

The only problem is that I'm currently not the front runner for said award. I'm in a three-way tie for second place! This just won't do, so I'm asking everyone who cares to drop by Grant Miller's spot and vote for the Lift With Caution blog in the "Least Influential Political Blog" category.

I really want this award. (And if you've been following my rants, you know it's well-deserved too.)

So help a brother out. Shave your beard and vote twice!

Sunday, December 07, 2008

The Dumbest Fucking Guy on the Planet

This is rich. From the famed Glenn Reynolds:
Barack Obama, by the way, would be well-advised to take a break from reading books about FDR and read [Doug] Feith’s War and Decision. Now that the politicking is over, that book will likely get more attention, and it deserves it.
Doug Feith was one of Rumsfeld's cronies, a guy who Tommy Franks, the general in charge of both the Afghanistan and Iraq invasions, called the "dumbest fucking guy on the planet."

Sorry, Glenn, but Obama would be "well-advised" to ignore Feith's advice. And really, if you're saying "Listen to the dumbest fucking guy on the planet," what does that make you? The second dumbest fucking guy on the planet?

Feith's book, incidentally, has already received some attention, namely from Matt Yglesias, who wrote:
His book will do little to dispel the sense that his role in the presentation of pre-war intelligence claims was deliberately dishonest, since he’s produced a fundamentally dishonest book.
Get that dishonest book in the hands of the president stat!