Saturday, November 01, 2008

Which Country?

This cartoon captures an essential contradiction with John McCain's campaign.
Country first, but just the "real" part.

Friday, October 31, 2008


So yeah, it's Halloween. I worked all night, thank you. I hope you had fun, though! Ha.

Anyway, I saw this new trailer for Tom Cruise's movie Valkyrie. They say this one is DOA, what with the the couch jumping and all that. Then there's the troublesome production, the pushed-back release date, the fact that everyone in the movie, even the good guys, are Nazis.

But I don't know, looks interesting.

In my book, Tom Cruise may be a weird dude, but he has chops. And this one looks pretty good.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

More Dumb E-mails

Here we are, less than a week away from the election, and I get another blast of anti-Obama e-mails from my aunt. This one starts out with this incendiary paragraph:
A Barack Obama administration would be a "nation killer" if Democrats attain a "supermajority" in the Senate, a leading conservative figure on immigration warned Tuesday.
That "leading conservative figure" would be William Gheen, president of the Raleigh, N.C.-based Americans for Legal Immigration PAC, who I never heard of before, either because I'm not in tune with "leading conservative figures" or because he's not much of one.

Gheen says:
"I would expect amnesty to pass within a year. That means in the next presidential election, you will have a new voting bloc of 15 million illegal aliens who turn into voters.

"And that voting bloc," he says, "especially in the Southwest United States, would be enough to take full control of most city, state, and county governments, thus destroying any future hopes for immigration enforcement or border security."

Unpack that one in your mind for a moment. Consider the assumptions and world-building going on in this man's mind.

Let's say that it's possible that some form of amnesty, perhaps modeled on Bush's immigration reform plan, would pass within a year of Obama's inauguration, even though the Obama platform has no specific plans to do so.

(Obama's immigration plan, if you care to actually read rather than speculate about, is here. Notice the emphasis on "secure borders" and "cracking down on employers who hire undocumented immigrants." I looked for "amnesty" and didn't find it. I didn't even find "create a path to citizenship." He does allow for "undocumented immigrants who are in good standing to pay a fine, learn English, and go to the back of the line for the opportunity to become citizens." That's amnesty?)

Alright, enough reality. So we got this concocted-out-of-thin-air amnesty plan that "leading conservative figure" William Gheen says will be implemented within a year. Not only will it pass Nancy Pelosi's House, but it will pass Al Franken's Senate. And that plan, still just a hypothetical worst case scenario at this point, is going to be sooooo generous (because if the Federal government is known for one thing, it's for being generous) that it gives all those amnestied the right to vote in the next election! All 15 million of them.

And then they're going to use this dirty trick called democracy to "take full control of most city, state, and county governments, thus destroying any future hopes for immigration enforcement or border security," because you know them Mexicans.

They never roll alone. You get one, you get the whole burrito.

Yes, this "leading conservative figure" Bill Gheen really is paranoid, ignorant and/or dishonest. It's enough to make you wonder why exactly he is a "leading conservative figure." (Conservative? Where? All I see is crazy and overwrought.)

I've harbored similar worst-case nightmares about Evangelicals taking over the government. But that actually happened. And were we all forced to convert to Christianity? Was Roe V Wade overturned? Are prayers required in all public schools? Do we have the Ten Commandments posted on every court house door?

No. Instead we got Terry Schiavo and gay marriage, which goes to show you that stupid doesn't work. So calm the fuck down. Obama ain't gonna steal your milk money and give it to the Mexicans. Jesus H. Christ.

Joe Sixpack Scorned

Joe Sixpack is not happy that Sam the Republican Stooge Joe the Plumber is hogging all his glory.
See more Thomas Haden Church videos at Funny or Die

Unrelated video topic:

Did you see Obama's infomercial? I only watched about half of it, but I did see him give a shoutout to my hometown, Thornton, Colorado. My man.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Dumbest E-Mail in the Whole Wide World

I got this e-mail from my aunt, and I assume it's been making the rounds in right-wing circles. It's conceit: A resignation letter from George W. Bush.

It starts out:
Normally, I start these things out by saying 'My Fellow Americans.' Not doing it this time. If the polls are any indication, I don't know who more than half of you are anymore. I do know something terrible has happened, and that you're really not fellow Americans any longer.
I stopped reading it there, rolling my eyes. More crackpottery, I thought, and moved on to the next item in my inbox.

But I came back and read the full thing. But take another look at that opening paragraph. "I don't know who more than half of you are anymore." "You're really not fellow Americans any longer."

What the fuck is that?

"More than half" is a majority, and you know, majorities have sway in a democracy. Not really "fellow Americans" anymore? What do you mean? We're not "fellows" or we're not "Americans?" Because half of us weren't "fellows" to begin with, and that "American" part just doesn't change.

There's more:
Now some of you morons want to be led by a junior senator with no understanding of foreign policy or economics, and this nitwit says we should attack Pakistan, a nuclear ally. And then he wants to go to Iran and make peace with a terrorist who says he's going to destroy us. While he's doing that, he wants to give Iraq to al Qaeda, Afghanistan to the Taliban, Israel to the Palestinians, and your money to the IRS so the government can give welfare to illegal aliens, who he will make into citizens, so they can vote to re-elect him. He also thinks it's okay for Iran to have nuclear weapons, and we should stop our foreign aid to Israel. Did you sleep through high school?

I didn't sleep through high school, but I ditched a lot, and even I know all of that is bullshit. Every single point, from the "attack Pakistan" to "give welfare to illegal aliens" is rife with misunderstanding or outright paranoid delusion. Is attacking Al Qaeda in Pakistan the same as "attacking Pakistan?"

If that's the case, then we attacked Syria just the other day.

The stupidity in this e-mail continues:
You should be grateful that they haven't gotten any more of us here in the United States since September 11. But you're not. That's because you've got no idea how hard a small number of intelligence, military, law enforcement, and homeland security people have worked to make sure of that.
A "small number?" By what scale?

You're going to tell me Homeland Security is small? The TSA is small? The military expenditure in Iraq and Afghanistan is small? The DEA and the ATF are small??? Small???!!

Sorry, small government conservative George W Bush, the only way that's small is if you call it small, and if that's the case you might as well call it purple or flowery or any other inappropriate adjective, because then words have no meaning and we can just say whatever the fuck we want.

But wait, there's more!
Making matters worse, you actively support those who help the enemy. Every time you buy the New York Times, every time you send a donation to a cut-and-run Democrat's political campaign, well, dang it, you might just as well Fed Ex a grenade launcher to a Jihadist. It amounts to the same thing.
What the fuck?!

That's not political insight. That's crazy nonsense. If you think that's true, then you're crazy. Yes, batshit insane. You should be locked up in a padded room and fed oranges laced with sedatives.

That goes beyond "you don't know shit" to "you are fucking nuts."

I can't reproduce the rest of the e-mail. It dips and dives, but it never rises above the deluded projections of our hypothetical nutjob in the padded cell. George Bush tells the country to fuck off, basically, and huddles off to Crawford, leaving Nancy Pelosi in charge (thank fucking GOD!) until Obama is inaugurated.

"God bless what's left of America," he says, as if he had nothing to do with the current state of things, and then he flips everyone the bird. Well, not everyone. Just "more than half" of everyone.

Maybe this is supposed to be funny, but it's like it skipped funny and went straight to preachy. (And hey... I sympathize. I do quite a bit of that myself.)

Props to Mom


My Mom is cooler than your Mom.

For my birthday this year, (which is coming up...November 9th to be exact) she decided to pay for the repair of some lingering issues with my truck. Thanks to the rough roads outside Chaco Canyon, I needed a new ball joint and control arm, as well as an alignment. So we took the truck to the shop and got it fixed.

Here's the thing, though. Not only did she pay for it, she picked it up while I was at work and delivered it to my house with a full tank of gas. In the business world, they call this going above and beyond.

In the son-mother world, they just call that all kinds of awesome. Thanks, Mom! You're the best.

Being Human

Note to cleaning people:

When we pass each other in the hall, look me in the eye.

You don't have to avert your gaze and bow your head. I don't care what country you were born in, what language you speak, what kind of funny name you have, how much you get are a person with thoughts and feelings just as valid as my own. I'm not better than you.

Yes, you take out the trash and clean the bathroom, and while it may seem at first glance that such menial tasks are unimportant to the company's bottom line, that's not true. I'd like to see a company succeed with overflowing trashcans and dirty bathrooms.

So walk tall, my friend. Hold your head up high. Don't listen to the bullshit. Some people may think they are better than you, but they are wrong.

Where's Freddy Krueger When You Need Him?

I had a nightmare last night, which was strange, because it was a sex dream. Yeah, thanks, Subconscious, I appreciate the attempt. I mean, a vivid sex dream? Wow. That's awesome. Do me a favor though...

Next time, pick a different ex-girlfriend. You know, one that I don't hate. That way I don't wake up feeling like a used condom that's been thrown out the window after a date with a cheap whore.

Better yet, pick some famous actress or a model. A CNN reporter, maybe. Hell, I don't care. Just not her.