Friday, April 25, 2008


Just got home from seeing a small production of Mary Chase's play Harvey at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts.

The quick review: Good show with a standing ovation at the end. The guy playing Elwood P. Dowd channeled Matthew McConaughey's easy-going charm perfectly though he looked nothing like the Shirtless Wonder.

There's still a few more shows, so go see it.

A quick note about Elwood P. Dowd: I envy him, much like Dr. Chumley envied him. But not for the magical rabbit who can stop time and give me two weeks in Akron with a mute blonde woman who strokes my hair... (It's in the play.)

I too wish I could smile all the time and be polite and friendly to everyone I meet, not just as an act or front, but as a way of being. I might have to work on that.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Straight Answers to Crooked Electibility Questions

1) "Why can't Barack Obama close the deal against Hillary Clinton?"

I heard Joe Scarborough talk about this one, and on a certain level, it's a valid question. Obama has had the momentum and the lead in the race for quite a while, so why hasn't he pushed Hillary out of the race yet? For one, the race isn't over. For another, Hillary is stubbornly pushing forward even though it may take an act of God for her to win. What's that word they use to describe Obama's delegate lead? "Insurmountable?" I guess the guy with the insurmountable lead probably will win...when the race is over.

Of course, there is the flip side of the question. "Why can't Hillary Clinton beat Barack Obama?" She had all the name recognition, the political machine she and her husband spent decades building, the expectations. And yet she's in second place to a might-be-a-Muslim, probably-an-America-hater guy who's middle name is Hussein and whose last name rhymes with Osama.

Ask not why Obama hasn't buried Clinton yet. Ask why the juiced-in name-brand politician can't beat the fresh-faced funny-named upstart.

2) "Why can't Barack Obama win the 'big' states?"

I assume we're talking population-wise here because Obama did win both Alaska and Texas and those are the biggest states in the union. Clinton won PA (55%), OH (54%), MA (56%), NY (57%), CA (52%), and NJ (54%), which I guess you could call the "big" states, but that advantage has been erased by her losing almost everywhere else.

And let's not forget that the "big" states Clinton has won are reliably "blue" states (with the exception of maybe OH) and if Obama is the nominee, he's likely to carry them practically by default in the general election. Unless you think McCain could take NY, MA, or CA. (CA...maybe...but only if Arnie does the heavy lifting.)

The "small" states, with a few exceptions, have overwhelmingly gone for Obama. They are also mostly "red" states. MS (61%), GA (67%), AL (56%), LA (57%), UT (57%), MO (49%), SC (55%), WY (61%), NE (68%), CO (67%), ID (79%), KS (74%), ND (61%), IA (38%), just to name a few.

So why can't Hillary Clinton win in the "red" states? And how can she turn them blue in the general election if they already overwhelmingly prefer Obama?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

That's How the Cookie Crumbles

The way the Nuggets played tonight, they didn't deserve to win. If they had in fact won, it would be fair to say that they stole the victory.

Kobe scored 49.

Ode To Hillary

Hillary, Hillary, Hillary. What gives?

I know you won Pennsylvania yesterday, but you're not doing so well. You've been in second place for months, even when you win a state. The rest of the races don't look too good for you either. Barack's got a lead of 133 delegates, and though you have more superdelegates, he's been picking those up left and right too. He's won 27 states to your 17, and let's face it, two of yours don't count. Sucks, I know, but that's how the cookie crumbled.

Hey, I understand why you're hanging on. You worked hard for this. No one can't take that from you. Months on the road, speech after speech, smile after smile, hand after shaking hand. That's not easy, especially when you're looking at the big picture that's telling you in clear black ink that it's all for naught.

Most of the people in your party prefer the other guy, despite all those years of sacrifices and humiliations in the trenches. The only consolation you can find in that, I suppose, is that if you're getting beat by a guy who's not half bad. It's better than losing to some jackass. Just ask Al Gore.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Grudge Match

We might want to consider replacing primary season and the electoral college with the WWE.

Sunday, April 20, 2008


If polygamy means that you have to live in house full of chicks like this...

Count me out!

It's 420

You know what to do.(And for the record, I did not grow this last year.)

Sports Karma

My apologies to the Cat for stinking up his blog with pro-Avalanche, anti-Wild sentiment, even going so far as to impersonate Joe Sakic. It may have bolstered the Avs and propelled them to Round 2 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs...

But it may have cost the Nuggets a Game 1 victory against the Lakers.

And I must admit that I care more about the Nuggets' being in the play-offs than I do about anyone in the NHL.

Updated: I saw the play referenced in this article.
Then came the third quarter and a play that really got the Lakers going. Leading 64-58, Bryant made a steal and was fouled hard on a breakaway by Nuggets guard Anthony Carter, who was whistled for a technical.
"Fouled hard" is one way to put it. Carter had no chance of knocking Kobe off his shot, so he just basically tackled him from behind. They went flying and Kobe's elbow knocked Carter in the eye. It wasn't intentional and it wasn't malicious. It was physics.

Carter made a big deal about it, but it didn't go anywhere and for good cause. It was a lame move that turned a 2 point play into a 3 point opportunity. Kobe sunk the foul shot and the Nuggets lost the game. It's not exactly cause and effect, but there is some correlation there.

How to Plant Tomatoes Early

Things You'll Need:

A Place to Plant
A Plant
A Shovel
A few handfuls of compost
A "Wall-o-Water" or similar device

1) Find a place to plant.

Whether you've got a whole square foot of space or (like me) you've devoted half your yard to your garden, find a place for your plant. It should be in a mostly-sunny location in well-drained soil. That swampy spot that remains in the shadow of your house all day? Don't plant there. Tomatoes need sun and lots of heat, and though they are not opposed to a long weekly drink, they don't like dipping their toes in the surf.

2) Dig Your Hole.

The hole should be both a bit deeper and a bit wider than your container. The bottom of your hole should be deep so you can layer in the compost, setting the rootball right on top. The extra space on the sides are because plant roots grow out as well as down. Surrounding your plant with loose, rich composty soil will encourage strong root development as well as a strong, productive plant.

3) Cover with soil.

Once you have your layer of compost in the bottom of the hole and your plant out of the container, spread the loose soil in the hole. Pat it down, but don't tamp it. We're planting tomatoes, not fence posts.

4) Protect and Water

If you're planting your tomatoes in June or having sex with your spouse, chances are you won't need protection. But if you want to plant tomatoes in April, you're going to need something, a cold frame, some wall-o-waters, something to protect your plants from the elements. Wall-O-Waters are plastic tubes insulated with water that form a tipi over your plant, protecting it until summer. Like so:
When you're finished transplanting, give your plant a little shower, just enough to get it to establish but not enough to make it muddy.

5) Sit back and wait for summer.

Johnny Jumps Up in the Strangest Places

The definition of a weed is any plant that's growing in a place you don't want. Most of the time, this refers to dandelions growing in your lawn or thistles in the flower patch.

But here I have a beautiful Johnny Jump Up plant growing as a weed outside the flower patch. It bloomed before I even knew it was there and now I'm not so sure I want to doom it to certain annihilation like I do with other weeds.
Maybe I can transplant it...

Angel With Her Tongue Out

Try and resist the cuteness!