Saturday, March 15, 2008

My Cousin on Springer

My cousin Denise was on Jerry Springer once.

True story.

The Blow-Out

I went to the Nuggets game with my friend Ginger last night. Our seats were right behind the backboard, pretty much the view you see in the pic above. Close enough to see their faces, and practically guaranteed to be on TV, but not the best angle for the watching the action at the net.

Here's Anthony going for a rebound.
The game wasn't much of a contest though. The Nuggets scored 44 in the first period and ended up clocking the Toronto Raptors 137-105. They had that 30 point lead early and kept the Raptors so far in the hole that the Nuggets threw the C team onto the court to avoid further embarrassment.

They were like a well-oiled machine!

A few non-game related observations. Stephen A. Smith was in the house. So was Alex English, former Nuggets star and current Raptors assistant coach, who got a brief tribute and an ovation.

I also ran into my department's director. Funny thing, it was the first game of the season for him too.

After the game, we went to the gym and I saw a dude that looks just like the guitarist from Avenged Sevenfold, Synyster Gates.
Same hairdo, same penchant for eyeliner and bandanas, same bodybuilder physique. This guy didn't have all the tattoos though, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't Mr. Synyster Gates himself.

He was just the lame ass gym rat who stole Synyster Gates's look.

I Clear Your Bong Rip

I haven't seen the movie this vid parodies, but this really is more of a trailer parody than a movie parody anyway.

Weed, oil, it's just business...and business is war.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I Think Hillary Thinks I'm Stupid

I caught this NPR interview with Hillary Clinton on the internet. I don't even know what frequency NPR is on.

At any rate, it seriously icked me out. Hillary Clinton is a lying bastard, and I mean that in the most gender neutral way.

Transcript follows, with commentary:

Host: ...Florida and Michigan. Those states were stripped of their convention delegates for voting too early. [Don't get the wrong impression here. The delegates for Michigan were stripped in Dec of 07 and for Florida earlier that August. Neither state moved its vote to comply with DNC rules, and so they voted know their delegates wouldn't be counted.] The only major candidates on Michigan's ballot were Senator Clinton and "uncommitted." Still, Clinton told Hispanic leaders yesterday that both primaries are fair and should be honored. Failing that, she wants new primaries. Which leads to a question:

Question: How can the Michigan results be fair, results that should be honored, if Barack Obama wasn't even on the ballot?

Clinton: Well that was his choice, remember. Uh, there was no rule or requirement that he take his name off the ballot and his supporters ran a very aggressive campaign to try to get people to vote for "uncommitted." It wasn't that he didn't participate at all. In fact, there was a real effort to get people to vote "uncommitted" and I still won 55% of the vote.
[Ha! Listen to her brag about barely one! Obama's supporters urged the "uncommitted" vote because their man wasn't in the contest, and even if he was a "write-in" he still wouldn't have gotten the vote. Clinton's supporters had the field wide open for a landslide. And they only got 55%...and you know 10% of them can't even read.]

Question: You say that's a fair result even without Barack Obama's name on the ballot?

Clinton: Well that was his choice, Steve. I, mean...
[He chose wisely. You chose...poorly.]

Question: Wasn't it the Democratic party's choice that it would not be a result that would be counted and most people took their name off the ballot?

Clinton: No.
[Fucking lying motherfucker... "No?" Fucking no? Listen to her explain how her "no" really mean "yes."] I think that the Democratic party said that they would not, under the circumstances, count the votes. But we all had a choice as to whether or not to participate in what was going to be a primary. Most people took their names off the ballot, but I didn't. [So in other words, the answer is YES, it would not be a result that would be counted and YES, most people took their name off the ballot. And what's more, if the truth serum was really working, it would be YES, everything coming out of my mouth is pure spin, and YES, I want Florida and Michigan to count because in Florida I did pretty well and in Michigan dude wasn't even on the ballot! I'm really starting to think Hillary Clinton thinks I'm an idiot.]

Watching Scotty Grow

I made this video a few years ago for when my brother got back from Iraq and came across it the other day. Watching it again brought a smile to my face and --I'm man enough to admit it-- tears to my eyes.

I doubt you'll have the same reaction, but if you need to fill your cuteness quotient for the day, fill it with this.

Speaking of High-Priced Hookers...

I used to think Jenna Jameson was hot.
But that was, like, ten surgeries ago.

That's It?

I must confess my ignorance about the hotness quotient of your average $1000-an-hour call girl. Is a $1000-an-hour hooker 50 times hotter than a $20 crack whore?

I must also confess that I've been with girls of comparable hotness --one or two might have even been hotter -- and never paid a dime.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Obligatory Spitzer Post #4

I didn't even want to post about this subject.

A couple other things happened the other day. Five soldiers died in Iraq, not in battle, per se, but caught off-guard in a chickenshit bombing. There's Obama and Clinton and McCain. There's telecom immunity and torture and recession fears.

But some asshole goes to a hooker and all that is brushed aside. Front page, top of the hour, on the's nothing but scandal, scandal, scandal.

And if you read the blogs about it, they almost all say the same thing: "I don't think prostitution should be illegal, but it is, and the governor has an obligation to abide by the law." Okay...

That's what I'll say too.

Obligatory Spitzer Post #3

I suspect that Spitzer's desire to sleep with hookers had less to do with his party affiliation than it did with being a pervert.

Same with Ted "Meth first, blow job later" Haggard, Larry "You done peeing yet? I really want to suck you off" Craig, and David "Hey, Eliot, gimme that number again" Vitter.

Obligatory Spitzer Post #2

If you're the Governor of New York, don't visit hookers.

It's not good for your job.

Obligatory Spitzer Post #1

If you're married, don't visit hookers.

It's not nice to your wife.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Everything Must Go

Everything must go...Out with the old...

In with the new.

Before the creation, first we must have destruction. And if you're tearing down an old hotel, you don't even need to take the beds out of the rooms.

Even as these old buildings crumble, you can say "It's for the children."

Children's Hospital is across the street.

Where were you when they tore down the Dunes?

This used to be a trailer park. Now it's a wasteland. Not even the old-growth trees were spared.

Room 123 has seen better days.

This room was torn apart...and yet the Bronco-colored bead headdress still hangs peacefully from its hook.

The Blue Spruce Motel doesn't look all that inviting these days. But at least the graffiti gives it some character.

Everything must go.

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Bush Hearts Torture

What do I think of Bush's latest veto? Funny you ask.

Frankly, I think it's dumb, immoral, and Un-American.
But then again, you knew that right?

Trent Reznor Killed the RIAA

This article makes a bold, and novel, prediction:
The year 2008 may go down as the beginning of the end for the recording industry. And the recent downloadable album release by the industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails will probably be seen as a major blow against the recording industry empire.
What? I thought peer-to-peer file sharing was going to kill the record companies...

But now you're saying it's Trent Reznor? The article, of course, gives it's reasons:
What’s significant is that like Radiohead’s last release, “In Rainbows,” Reznor’s newest release was recorded, designed and distributed without any record company involvement.
Now I'm really confused. Both Radiohead and NIN made actual music without having a record deal?

Woah...the whole industry is going to collapse! And it's about damn time.

I know, I know...only the big artists can do this because they already have an audience. To that, I say, good. If the big multi-platinum selling artists bolt the record companies, then the record companies will be forced to do something with the "little" artists, either that or they can just shut down. I don't think I'll lose a night of sleep if I had to get my music from musicians rather than middle men record companies.

Will you?

P.J. O'Rourke, True Conservative

Did I ever tell you that I have much respect for P.J. O'Rourke? Well, I do.

He writes in this funny, read-the-whole-thing type essay:
I am a little to the right of Rush Limbaugh. I'm so conservative that I approve of San Francisco City Hall marriages, adoption by same-sex couples, and New Hampshire's recently ordained Episcopal bishop.
I know how you feel, buddy.

I'm so conservative, I'm downright liberal.

A Post Foreshortened by Blogger Photo Upload Problems

It was a pleasant late-winter/early-spring day, so I loaded the MP3 player with Mastodon songs and took to the streets on my new bike. Here's the new bike:
It's nothing fancy --I got it at K-Mart, which instantly robs it of street cred-- but it's an improvement over my old bike. Better gear mechanism, tighter brakes, suspension fork up front, lighter frame, latch to take off the front tire instead of bolts. So far, I love it.

I have a feeling it's going to get a lot of miles this summer. It's already got a few

Last weekend, I took the boys on a ride. The weather was nice with record-setting warmth and we went around to some of the parks over at the new Stapleton development. Here's the boys posing triumphantly after climbing the purple mountains.
Yes, purple mountains. Walking into this park is like walking into an edited version of an Eminem song. Check it out.

"I been so many places, but nothing compares to those blue and purple hills."
I was going to post some more pics, but Blogger is being a bitch and well, I'd be less stressed out if I didn't.