Friday, August 03, 2007


There has been a string of veterinarian hospital break-ins in the metro area lately. They made the news because euthanasia drugs were taken and we all know what those do.

But this sentence struck me.
In that burglary, the euthanasia drug stolen went by the brand name "Buthenasia."
What genius thought that one up?

I sense a trend. The drug that kills cancer will be called Schmancer. The one that tackles AIDS? FAIDS. For Auto-Immune Deficiency Syndrome.

Of course, the new drug for erectile dysfunction. We'll just call that Pimpotence.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

A Comment and a Little Rant

You don't even have to wait 24 hours anymore to start pointing fingers.

So Scott "Baghdad Diarist" Beauchamp did tell a lie. His story about harassing the disfigured happened in Kuwait, not Iraq. There's a doozy there.

If I was stupid, I'd say that invalidates his whole account.

I posted this comment on this dude's blog:
Wow…you guys have BDS. Beauchamp Derangement Syndrome.

Let it go already. Liar or asshole, Beauchamp has about as much relevance to the larger Iraq debate as the pimples on Rush Limbaugh’s ass.
If you get a lot of these Iraq vets in the right frame of mind, they'll tell you shit that will blow your mind.

You can scurry around making sure all the details "check out."

Or you could just listen.

Andrew Sullivan offers what I think should be the final word on the Beauchamp controversy.
I truly have no explanation why the rightwing blogosphere has managed to largely ignore and deny actual claims and cases of torture and abuse by US soldiers but have gone batshit over some trivial, unshocking, verified soldier stories by a man who, unlike Barnett and Malkin, is actually serving his country. But this is my best shot: Their president and their Congress and their movement have lost a war, wounded America's moral standing in the world and caused tens of thousands of deaths and a greater risk of terrorism across the globe.

After four and a half years of this nightmare, who are you going to blame but The New Republic?
Harsh words, but completely deserved.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Is That An Obama Bumper Sticker on Your Truck, Jim?

I got a voice mail from Uncle Jim and if my mic was working, I'd put it up as a link. Suffice it to say, he heard about Obama's speech and though he was joking around a bit, it sounded like he almost liked what he heard. Uncle Jim, the dude who inspired the term "NASCAR Dad," liking what "B. Hussein Obama" (as he calls him) had to say? Could it be?

I saw some snippets about the speech on CNN and read some more on Andrew Sullivan's blog, and I have to say I liked what he had to say too, but then again, I've already thrown myself on the Obama love train.

The guy makes sense, and if you want to see how much sense, check out the excerpts on Andrew's blog.

Cheaper Than a 4 Hour Porno

Driving home from the movies (I saw Harry Potter 3D on Imax), I spotted a billboard for Secrets Adult Store. I've never been there, but I'm assuming it's like any other adult store out there. Porn galore, gag gifts, cheap lingerie, and dildoes. Shelves and shelves of dildoes.

The tag line for this particular billboard was, "Cheaper than dating!" Of that, I have no doubt, especially if there's a two-for-one sale on Jenna Jameson DVDs.

However, I suspect that appealing to the cheap perv crowd isn't much of a way to make any serious money. Me, if I owned one of those stores, I'd say, "Bring your date!"

There's more money in it.

Monday, July 30, 2007

What I'd Do With Michael Vick's Money

This Michael Vick story is both stomach-turning and thought-provoking. Here he is, making all this money playing football, and what does he use it for? Dogfights.

What a waste.

It makes one wonder what you would do if you were earning that kind of money. How would you spend it all?

I would buy some land, some decent land with a pond or a stream, and I would raise goats and llamas and heirloom tomatoes and a hundred types of flowers. I'd put one of those Russian greenhouses on there with the conveyor belts and grow my own produce year-round. (On weekends, I'd take it down to the local farmer's market, too.)

I'd buy all the vacant houses in my neighborhood, fix them up, and resell them to the young doctors and nurses who will be working at the Fitzsimmons hospital super-complex.

I'd buy vacant lots around the city and turn them into community gardens.

I'd open a used bookstore the size of a Wal-Mart. We'd serve coffee and sell our books cheap. Authors can stop by on their book tours for signings and speeches. We'll screen movies in the corner with a digital projector on Wednesday nights.

I'd put my name on a plaque at the Denver zoo. A big expensive plaque, not for my vanity but to feed the animals. For a year.

I'd buy a house with a hidden bookcase door and a basketball court in the basement.

I'd pay the mortgage in full for the houses that my parents live in and provide them both with generous pensions.

I'd produce a low-budget movie with Spike Lee.

I'd get guitar lessons...from James Hetfield.

I'd travel the world, Macchu Picchu, Palenque, Angkor Wat, Giza, Mohenjo Daro, Athens, Rome. I've always wanted to go to Brazil.

I can think of a lot of things I'd do with Michael Vick's money, and killing dogs isn't one of them.

Great Moments in Guitar Solos

I'm sure you know who Henry Rollins is, but did you know he was in a band? He used to be in Black Flag, but I discovered him in his later incarnation as the leader of Rollins Band, punk rock god, poet, stand-up comedian, actor, modern day renaissance man. His band, by the way, kicked some major ass.

I'm talking of course of the Weight/Come In and Burn line-up. Sim Cain on the drums, Chris Haskett on guitar, and Melvin Gibbs on bass.

In the solo for Spilling Over the Side, Haskett beats his guitar to death with some kind of ungodly fuzz box. What is that? A phaser? A flanger? I don't know, but it sounds cool.


Great Moments in Death Growls

Max Cavalera, first of Sepultura, now of Soulfly, was the first guy that I heard sing cookie monster style, and I still think he's the best.

Here he is howling on Soulfly's Inner Spirit.

Yippie Kay Yay, Mutha....

I finally saw the new Die Hard movie and though I'm pretty sure it was set on another planet with entirely different physics, it was worth the wait. Though I wasn't sure how I felt about a bald John McClane, I mean, come's John McClane.

The plot has something to do with hackers, but you don't really need to worry too much about all that. All you need to know is there are some bad guys and it's up to McClane to kill them. His side kick in this one is the Mac guy, Justin Long,

Timothy Olyphant of Deadwood fame is the stock bad guy, which is no knock on Sheriff Bullock by any means. If it weren't for him, the French parkour guys, and Maggie Q as the lithe sysadmin-slash-kung fu genius, the bad guys wouldn't even merit a mention. They're better than Jeremy Irons or Willie Sadler, but let's face it...They're no Hans Gruber.

Since this is the latest (and probably last) Die Hard, the action is kicked up a notch. Cars go flying, there's some love in an elevator with McClane and Maggie Q, and a battle with a fighter jet (the final score? *Spoiler* You guessed it, McClane 1, Fighter Jet 0). With the stunts and special effects, it makes Transformers look like a --ahem-- cartoon.

A couple funny coincidences about Die Hard:

My favorite Bruce Willis movie, Die Hard.

My favorite action movie, Die Hard.

My favorite Christmas movie? Yep, that's right. Die Hard.

My favorite action movie franchise? That would be Indiana Jones.