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Saturday, May 05, 2007

Random Saturday Ten

It's Saturday...which means it's Friday for me. So here's my Random Friday Ten...taken at random from my "Recently Added" folder.

1) Clutch - Child of the City
2) Hellyeah - Star
3) P.J. Olsson - Visine
4) Clutch - Mr. Shiny Cadilackness
5) Tenacious D - Master Exploder
6) Hellyeah - Waging War
7) The Black Crowes - Hard to Handle
8) Red Hot Chili Peppers - My Friends
9) Machine Head - Blistering
10) Gary Jules - Mad World

I Now Pronounce You a Knee Jerk Idiot

People are weird.

We're currently running ads for "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry" before Spiderman 3 in all of our theaters, not just an ad but a behind the scenes "making of" special. You might have seen it if you're one of the millions of people hitting the theatres this weekend.

The funny thing is that we're getting complaints from uptight parents who think the content of the "Chuck and Larry" ad is offensive. One guy today complained about the "gay message" and Jessica Biel's ass.

Forget that showing your kids Jessica Biel's ass is almost guarenteed to prevent any latent gayness in their developing minds...

Forget that "Chuck and Larry" are pretending to be gay in the movie, so there's really not much of a "gay message." (This guy probably thinks "Some Like it Hot" has a "transvestite message.")

Just remember that some people are dumb...and they are procreating. This does not bode well for the gene pool.

Gimme a W!

Gimme me an A! Gimme an R!

What's that spell?

Mickey Kaus Changes His Mind...or Did He Stop Believing His Own Bullshit?

After saying on April 21, "Is the wrong party dissatisfied with its presidential candidates? I think so," and then making the case that the Dems should be more worried about their candidates than the Repubs should be about theirs, a little bit of reality hits Mickey "Mary Contrary" Kaus in the face.

After the GOP debates, he writes:
"I guess I'm really not a Republican--or else Chris Matthews is an effective Dem saboteur--because the whole GOP field seemed weaker after the debate (just as the Dem field seemed stronger after its MSNBC debut)."
Hmmm...seems to me that might have been apparent before the debates, but if Mickey wants to pretend that the debates changed his mind, okay.

It's not like I can prove Mickey Kaus makes ridiculous arguments "just to be different."

Friday, May 04, 2007

If Jesus Dropped By

I had a Tenacious D song in my head all day, and if I could have just sang it out loud a time or two I could have gotten it out, but instead it repeated a loop in my head.

I hate it when that happens. I had to listen to it a few times when I got home to clear my head.

If only the rain would clear the pollen from the air. My allergies have been killing me the last few days. I need a hanky. This Kleenex(tm) is killing my nose!

I found this link the other day: A school shooter on a school shooter:
{Q.} Do you believe that stricter gun control would help prevent such tragedies?
{A.} The people who do these things are people who don’t want contact. They wouldn’t be capable of going out there and stabbing people to death. But there’s such a disconnect when you’re using a gun. You don’t even feel like you’re killing anybody.
And he would know...

And finally...I've been tagged by WriteProcrastinator, the only one tagged incidentally. So here goes.

What would I do if Jesus came to my house?

Since he owes me money, I'd tell him to pay up.

But seriously...

If Jesus, the Jesus, came to my house, the first thing I would ask him would be "Where have you been? You know, if you would have came by a decade or so ago, you might saved me, but now...now I just think you're a dick. Are you happy?"

Of course, being Jesus, he would calm me down a little, saying something like, "Nothing in life is easy, not even faith." Or "I gave you free will, my son, so that you would come to me of your own choosing."

No doubt it would be unimpressive to my skeptical, cynical mind. Righteous indignation would set it. "You do realize what's been going on since you've been away, right? The world's been a pretty ugly place.

Being Jesus, he would nod knowingly. "But a lot of beauty too, eh?" he might say. Or it might put him on the defensive, and he'd blame it on the devil. If he did that, I'd ask him why he didn't just fire the damn devil. He's the boss, right?

"And a lot of people were counting on you, man," I'd say. "A lot of people still count on you. Don't you feel like you let them down?"

"I work in mysterious ways," he might say.

Then I'd ask him, "So whatchoo want from me? You came knocking on my door. What are you selling?"

But we already know what he's selling. Eternal life. Salvation.

That's when I say, "No thanks," and show him the door. Eternity with a jerk like that? Fuggetaboutit. I'd rather be damned.

The Condemned

Last night I took some folks to the movies to see The Condemned (with Stone Cold) instead of watching the Republican debates. Trust me, it was much more entertaining. Rather than watching 10 rich white men groveling for the GOP base, I watched 10 mixed-race muscleheads (two of them women) fight each other to the death.

And as a bonus, as we were leaving the theatre, I spotted Nene Hilario holding up a wall as he waited for his girlfriend to come out of the bathroom. Yes, it's true. That Nene.

It was the second random Nugget spotting in as many years. (Last year, I saw Coach George Karl at a Red Robin. Now, Nene at the movies.)

Ah, now where was I? The debates...Ah yes, the debates.

From the coverage I read, there was some talk of abortion (snooze) and even evolution. Three candidates raised their hands when asked if they thought Darwin was full of shit. Only in a Republican debate, I swear.

You know, perhaps that stuff plays well with the base, but for me...it makes me glad I'm an independent liberal. I mean, abortion? Abortion????? We're still talking about that in 2007?

Yes, yes, I know all the objections: killing babies, encouraging promiscuity and all that. But give it up already! Roe V. Wade was settled four years before I was born, and it comes up in every goddamn election. I'm sick of it! Let's talk about something else. Let's talk about something that really matters, alright?

And evolution? Jesus Christ... I know a lot of people who are so offended by the idea that humans are primates that they don't "believe" in evolution, but that doesn't stop the evolutionary process from occurring. It's the old bones and dirt and hybrid plants don't convince you, perhaps genetic sequencing will.

As for the rest of the debate, who cares? Iraq shouldn't be given to another Republican anytime soon. The whole Republicans machinery is one of the reasons it's such a mess, from the "commander guy" to all the dingbats who cheered him on. Lying, cheating, stealing, slacking off, none of that bothered the Republican party; in fact, it seems like the way they do business. (Right? Abramoff, Delay, Cunningham, Ney, etc, etc)

These ten guys running now may be the honorable exceptions, ten righteous Big R Republicans in a party run by swine, but I seriously doubt it.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Anderson Cooper....Superman

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a prematurely gray CNN reporter.

Gimme the Donut

So as I'm getting ready to take my first pull off the bong after a hard day's work, there's a knock at my door, and a gruff voice rings out, "Open the door!"

Had the knock come a minute later, after the first bong hit and the resulting waves of paranoia, I might have thought it was the police.

As it was...I thought it was the police.

But it was Uncle Jim instead, come to rag on his hippy-dippy lefty nephew. We had a few laughs and he helped me in the garden a bit.
He also gave the tramp a few bounces.
We had to do a few takes for that one. Funny enough, I snapped a pic of what Uncle Jim would look like if he weighed three hundred pounds. The only thing I did to that pic in Photoshop was crop it.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

First Round Blues

Did you watch the Nuggets game last night? No? Well allow me to sum it up for you:

The Nuggets had the lead throughout most of the game...but they lost.

Now they're staring down a 3-1 deficient going into game 5. Forget about getting to the Finals. It's going to take a miracle just to get out of the first round.

I can't complain, really. There was a time not too long ago when "the play-offs" never came up in a discussion of the Nuggets. In the 90s, you went to the see the Nuggets mostly to see the other teams. That's even how it was marketed, with the handbills advertising JORDAN or SHAQ or MALONE...with an itty-bitty denver nuggets down in the corner.

With Melo and Iverson, though, things have changed a little. They still make a big deal when LeBron comes to town, but now it's also because of his star-status and the rivalry with Melo from being in the same draft class, not because the Nuggets have nothing else to sell like back in the day.

But even with all the improvements, even with four 1st round play-off appearances in as many years, even with Melo, Nene, AI, and defensive guru Camby, they're still not ready. Unless they pull something amazing out of their ass, the season could all end in one game.

Wednesday, 6PM, we'll find out.