Saturday, December 23, 2006

Who Killed Jutte Burton?

A few weeks ago, Jutte Burton, an overnight convenience store clerk and mother of two, was shot in the back and left to die on the cold sticky floor of a 7-11 in a botched robbery attempt. Her killer, and his accomplice, were apprehended Thursday in Colorado Springs.

John Doubleday and his girlfriend Amie Lewis have been on the run for over a year. Last year they evacuated New Orleans and have lived as refugees ever since. Homeless, forced to leave, they came to Denver to start life anew, but instead found themselves a niche in the underworld of crime. Parents of a one year old boy, they reputedly also nurtured a voracious cocaine habit, a habit that no doubt awakened their baser criminal proclivities with the end result being murder.

There's a lesson to be learned there somewhere. And if not, a story to be written.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Fun in the Snow

When life gives you a blizzard, make the most of it. Since I'm not working today and the roads are at least navigable now, I took the boys to the hill for some sledding action.

Justin brought his snowboard.
We also had the tube and the old timey sled.
I think there's more of that in store tomorrow.

Random Friday Ten

What? You haven't done a random Friday ten yet? Slacker!!!

Here's mine:

1) Groovy Kind of Love - Phil Collins
2) A Shogun Named Marcus (Live) - Clutch
3) Denver Blues - Tampa Red
4) Because I Got High - Afro Man
5) The Silver Hawaiian - Helmet
6) Jambi - Tool
7) How Many More Times (Live at the BBC) - Led Zeppelin
8) The Age of Pamparius - Turbonegro
9) To the Edge - Lacuna Coil
10) Bennie and the Jets - Elton John

Get yours in at American Idle and I don't wanna hear any bitching.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Snow

I'm not mad about the snow anymore...okay, I am still, but at least I'm home now. Home.

But look at where my car ended up.
That's half in, half out of the street. That patch under my bumper, that's the sidewalk.

I only got stuck once on the way home, but thanks to a guy in a truck who stopped to help me, I got out of there. They could have done a better job plowing I-25, though. I drove the whole way down to my exit and didn't touch pavement once! 225 was better. At least there was blacktop most of the way. Colfax wasn't bad either, but my street is just fucked.

I'm going to have to dig my car out tomorrow after I shovel the driveway. But I'm home.

Snowed Out

I am sitting in a hotel room with the slowest internet connection possible. Outside my window, a kid is screaming bloody murder and has been for the last five minutes. The cause of distress...his/her parents being stuck in the snow. Apparently they are too busy trying to get out to shut the kid up.

The snow is at least a foot deep everywhere, more in some places. And it's still falling.

They're saying that conditions won't improve until Friday. Friday is my day off. And I'll be damned if I'm going to be stuck in this hotel, working, on my day off. Especially when other folks, who live in this neighborhood, are "snowed in."

Yeah, I was "snowed in" too, but with a little effort I made it. It's an effort I have come to regret. Next time there's a blizzard, I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying home.

I'd rather be snowed in than snowed out.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Holy fucking shit! It's bad out there. I got stuck 5 times on the way to work today. Good thing I brought my snow shovel or I'd still be out there.

I got stuck coming out of my driveway. I got stuck trying to turn off my street. I got stuck trying to turn around and go the other way. Then I got stuck on Peoria, a main road. The worst was when I got stuck a block from work. A block away!!

I'm putting in a 12 hour shift today, will probably do the same tomorrow. And there's no way I'm getting home tonight. No way in hell. The company already rented a few rooms for us in a nearby hotel. But still...I'd rather go home.

Hell...I should have just stayed home!

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I Don't Like the Drugs, But the Drugs Like Me

If you buy bad crack, do not, I repeat do not, complain to the police. That's the Drug Enforcement Agency, dearie, not the Drug Quality Control Agency.

People like that give crackheads a bad name.

In other drug news, America's number one cash crop is...garbanzo beans!

No, just kidding. It's still wheat.

Wait...grapes? Only in wine country, sweetheart. Corn? Not even in Nebraska. Cotton? That's so 1860s. Alfalfa? Yeah, right.

Nope, the nation's biggest cash crop is marijuana! They say this year's marijuana crop was worth $35 billion, much more than other commodities produced by US growers, e. coli laced spinach and lettuce included.

Of course, the valuation has to take into account the "black market premium" you pay for something that is technically illegal. That $100 you dropped on the high grade? It's not because the pot is worth $100, per se. It's because the dude who's growing it could face 10-15 if he's caught.
(Bruce Mirken the spokesperson for the Marijuana Policy Project) said California's marijuana crop is worth more than the national production of wheat and cotton combined. Legalizing marijuana and taxing its sales could generate a massive stream of revenue for the state, Mirken said.
That seems only partly true to me. If marijuana were legalized, new supply streams would arise, including the do-it-yourselfer, and the "black market premium" would disappear. Prices would probably go down, that is, unless prices are artificially inflated by taxes (think gas and cigarettes), and if that were the case, this $35 billion number would also go down.

With that said, I'm in favor of full legalization, including commercialization and the inevitable taxation that comes with it. However, I don't think "tax it to increase revenue" is a very good argument for legalizing marijuana. Governments are greedy and easily corrupted and taxes are often the tool of this corrupt greed.

How about this? Criminalizing marijuana is just dumb and wrong. It's expensive, and it's impossible. No matter how hard the DEA tries, they can not eliminate a hardy plant whose nickname is "Weed." Even if they were to eliminate all the wild strains, there is no way they could eliminate the strains that were fine-tuned and engineered in basement hothouses across the world.

Having made no dent in the supply, the DEA also can't eliminate demand. You can't support a $35 billion dollar crop without a whole shitload of demand, and speaking from personal experience, the demand is largely unaffected by the technicalities of the law.

But what about the children? you say. Should they be allowed to indulge in the bud? No, but someday those children will grow up to be adults, and as adults they should be able to make the choices that affect their own lives without heavy-handed government intervention.

So legalize it, tax it if you want to, but do it not for the money, but because it's the right thing to do.

More SNL Fun

After watching "Dick in a Box," I stumbled upon this sketch, about a family of Italian cork soakers.

"Cork soakers are born, not made."

Dick in a Box

Last December, SNL's Chronic(what?!)cles of Narnia video went viral and had me laughing for months. Sometimes my nephew will insist on hearing it and I laugh anew. (That movie trivia line is even funnier now that my job is managing the ads, and trivia slides, that play before movies.)

Now, there's Dick in a Box: The Uncensored Version
Surprisingly enough, Justin Timberlake doesn't even ruin the sketch.

My fav part...the instructions on how you can do it too. Funny stuff.

Update: ACK! YouTube took the vid down...probably on marching orders from NBC lawyers. You can catch the vid by going to the SNL site. No link here, though. If I wanted to link it, I would have done that in the first place.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

6 Weird Things You Didn't Know About Me

Another tag. Another meme. This one even has rules! Here they are:
1. Each player of this game starts with the “6 weird things about you”.

2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly.

3. At the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
Rule 1 should be amended to say "6 weird things about you...that you're willing to share." There's some weird people out there...and I'm one of them. (Don't laugh. You are, too.)

So here goes:

1) I have crooked feet. I was born with them, and despite wearing casts as a child to straighten them out, they're still crooked. You can't really tell unless I take my shoes off, but they are some freaky ass feet, I assure you.

2) I am not a high school graduate. I'm one of those GED dudes. So what? You know as well as I do that half the people who graduated in your class couldn't pass the GED test even if they wanted to.

3) Even though I claim to be a rational empiricist, I'm actually quite superstitious. I don't step on cracks because I love my Mama. I toss salt over my shoulder when I spill the shaker because you never just might work. I avoid walking under ladders. I even wonder if dreams are a latent form of ESP, and I don't even believe in ESP! Plus, if you tell me you're an Aries, I will take a step back and make the cross sign with my fingers. Arians are evil and they don't even know it. That's the scariest kind of evil, too. The kind that doesn't know it.

4) I have never made a sex tape, never paid a prostitute for sex, nor have I ever had a venereal disease. I intend to keep it that way.

5) I sort my fries by size and eat them accordingly, starting with the little guys first, then making my way up to the longer ones. And if you spray them with ketchup or chile or anything else, I'll be very upset. Leave em alone! Don't splatter the fries, man. They must be dipped.

6) A couple years ago, my brother was named Time Person of the Year. And now it's my turn. The Pearce Boys. I always knew we'd do great things.

Now it's your turn. If you're like me, and you struggled for an answer after five, then you're not as weird as you think you are. If you can keep going until your list is as long as Schindler's, then you're really fucking weird.

So let's see em...

Now who shall I tag? Um...can I get back to you on that? Creepy? Mell? Cat? Anybody?

The Brawl

Never give-up. Even if you're half-engorged by a bird.

But in professional sports --NBA basketball in particular-- that adage doesn't seem to apply. At least, not without consequences.

Let's say your team is losing. Let's say they're not just losing, but they're losing badly. You could bench your showtime players and send out the second squad to eat up the clock so you can go home.

That's what Isiah Thomas did in the Nuggets brawl last night. He gave up. In his own words, he "surrendered."

But the Nuggets didn't. They kept playing. Thomas benched his starters, but George Karl wasn't going to have any of that. A basketball game is 48 minutes. And if you're having a good game, why pull your best players? They're there to do their job, which is win the game, and the game isn't over until the final buzzer.

Unless you give up.

Mike Celizic, in a "pox on both your houses" article about the Knicks-Nuggets brawl on MSNBC, seems to think George Karl's call to keep his starters in wasn't classy. Whatever.

Keeping your best players in the game doesn't give license for flagrant fouls. But then again, flagrant fouls don't give license for cheap shots.

And any attempt to label Carmelo Anthony's bitch slap anything other than a cheap shot is futile. Anthony lashed out in the paint, then backed up to the halfcourt line. Cheap! He'll probably be suspended for a long time, and he should be.

And if you want to say the Nuggets showed little class in the brawl, go ahead. That would be fair. But it wasn't because they didn't bench their stars. It was because they reacted poorly to the cry baby shenanigans of a bunch of sore losers.

Attack of the Mad Elephants

Osama Bin Laden is dead. Not the terrorist, but the elephant.
The 10-feet tall male elephant had been terrorizing villagers in Assam state for the past two years, destroying hundreds of homes and trampling scores of people -- prompting locals to name him after the elusive al-Qaida leader.
Yes, you read that right. Destroying hundreds of homes and trampling scores of people.

This elephant was one bad dude.

Of course, there is some controversy over whether the elephant that was shot really was the serial killer elephant, but this gem from animal rights activists is worthy of note.
Animal rights activists fear there will now be serious repercussions, with the herd of elephants to which “Osama” belonged likely taking revenge and destroying more villages and people in the area.
The elephants will take revenge!

They will gather together, sharpen their tusks, darken their faces with greasepaint, then they will attack. This won't be a rampage. It will be a massacre.

The Elephant Insurgency is on.