Saturday, July 29, 2006

Mel Gibson's Drunken Jihad

Mel Gibson learned the hard way that the best way to get arrested is to shut the fuck up and comply with the cops. Name, rank, and serial number. That’s all you give them. Don’t comment on how bad they’re trying to bust your balls. Don’t call them names or use profanity.

I learned that lesson the hard way. After chewing out a cop for pulling me over and giving me a ticket, I returned to court (years later…long story) and had my comments read back to me by the judge. They weren’t very nice to me after that, and of course I had to deal with the embarrassment on my own.

They write that shit down.

Yep, that’s Mel Gibson's DUI arrest report. Included among those nearly indecipherable handwritten letters are comments Gibson made about the Jews, confirming perhaps that the anti-semitic criticisms leveled at the Passion of the Christ may be founded in some kind of reality.

To his credit, Gibson has admitted that he disgraced himself, but man…calm down on the ethnic rhetoric.

Oh yeah, notice how they picked a particularly unflattering picture. Remember when he was the sexiest man alive? They couldn’t use one of those pics?

No way. Celebrities…we build them up, so we can take them down.

Friday, July 28, 2006

My New Belt Buckle

As part of the new job celebration, I got myself a new belt buckle, this one in honor of one of my favorite bands, Corrosion of Conformity.

While you ogle my belt buckle jealously, here's something to listen to, one of COC's best songs, and also the ring tone on my phone. Enjoy.
You can call me lazy
But I know where I belong
Cause I was born a liar
Fly on


Condoleeza Rice is nice, but I prefer ‘a-Roni.

You thought it was cool when McDonald’s came out with the new all-white meat chicken McNuggets. Well wait till you get a load of this. “Previously unknown Khaybar-1 rocket packs 220 pounds of explosives” Holy Jihad, Batman.

Uncle Jim has been giving me hell for my ultra-left wing views. It’s been fun really, because I give it right back. (Most of those comments are me.) Ducking and weaving, ducking and weaving. Like Ali used to say, “I’m gonna dance!” Uncle Jim’s old and weary. When he wears out, I’ll move in for the kill.

I’m gonna dance!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Thursday Notes

I’ve been kinda slack in the blogging department.  What can I say, I’m a working man now.  The job has been going well, although I did make a mistake today that caused a few problems.  Nothing major, and it was a learning experience.  All the guys I work with are really cool, so that helps.  And I think I’m kinda picking stuff up.

I do a little celebration every time I get something right.  Usually it involves pumping my fist, but sometimes a sudden burst of profanity will escape my mouth.  It’s alright, I assure you.  Everyone cusses all day.  It’s great.  

So a guy in Colorado Springs confessed to killing a bunch of people.  I wonder if his killings were part of some sick sexual thing, like a lot of serial killers, or if it was just a bad habit he picked up along the way.  

He looks like the Unabomber, too.

And it’s a lock…I’m going to see Miami Vice this weekend.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Miami Vice

When I heard Michael Mann was rejuvenating the Miami Vice concept as a feature film starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx, I almost cringed. Then I saw a pic of Colin Farrell's mullet and I did cringe.

Michael Mann makes some interesting, if slightly pretentious, movies. Among the best are Heat, Collateral, and Ali.

I just saw an HBO special on the making of Miami Vice and now I think it might be halfway decent. What do you think?

Monday, July 24, 2006

The Ninth of Av

Here is an excerpt from Dan Simmons’s introduction to his novella The Ninth of Av, mentioned in my previous post about anti-semitism. Interesting stuff.
Imagine, if you will, a writer in the year 1000 A.D. writing a simple short story set in the year 2001. What would the common elements be from that millennium to the projected one? Imagine a contempory Tom Wofle-ish story including the themes of race relations, corporate backstabbing, and sexual hanky-panky set in Manhattan.

Race relations? Meaningless to the author in 1000 A.D. The concept of race, as we are enslaved by it today, didn’t exist then.

Corporate intrigue? The intrigue part would be immediately understandable to a European from the year 1000, but the very idea of private corporations and modern capitalism had yet to be invented. For the next 500 years, the entire concept of loaning money for interest fell under the heading of mortal sin – usury – and had to be restricted to non-Christians (Jews) who were going to hell (or Limbo) anyway.

Sexual hanky-panky/ Well, yes, that would have been perfectly understood in 1000 A.D. (or 1000 B.C. for that matter) but the leering, smirking, modern fictional obsession with it might not have been.

Manhattan? An undreamt of city on an undiscovered continent.

So, I had to ask myself, what common element will bind 2001 and 3001? What eternal human verity – other than sex and intrigue – will survive the erosive winds of a full millennium?

The answer, when it arrive, hit me with the full nausea of certainty.

The one constant thread between today and a thousand years from now will be that someone, somewhere, will be planning to kill the Jews.
And yes, I typed that myself straight out of the book. Thank you.